Why, hello again...

Hello...it's nice to see you again old friend.  It's been a while, hasn't it? 

Things have changed since I last posted.  We have moved again.  I've transitioned to two different jobs.  Mr. Learning transitioned from his job into a new employer.  The kid is no longer an infant but a precarious almost 8 year old.  We are happy again.  I couldn't say that when I last posted as I sounded extremely lost.  I also noticed that I mentally blocked out 2012 as I thought we stopped swinging when we had the kid.  Guess I was wrong.  I took the time today to go back and re-read our adventures.  I'm so glad I did and it's a nice record of where we were then compared to where we are now.

Well, we got back in the lifestyle back in November.  We met up with the couple from the campground.  Just so happened that we still had some sparks with each other.  I have to thank FB for us keeping in touch vanilla wise.  Mr. Learning had been playing with our profile in September (I guess as he didn't mention it to me) and Mr. Ray sent me a message over messenger noting "hey, I see you are back in the lifestyle.  Can we meet up soon please?". We just so happened to be going into their area for my high school reunion so we set a date for dinner.  Dinner went well and at the end of the night, I kissed him, and I wanted more but unfortunately, it was just a dinner.  After we met, there was a series of messages and the expressed desire that they wanted a swap.  So it was on.  And so worth the wait.  I joked with them that my reality of the situation was better than the fantasy I had for the past 8 years...but seriously it was.  I'm glad we waited for them as they were well worth the wait. Then we met a hot hall pass husband and that's a fun situation too! I'm totally enjoying that about once a month.  So life is good.  The goal is to get out about once a month right now for late nights.  The kid has sleepovers with others so it makes it easier for childcare.  Our in-laws are often busy or unreliable  so we don't count on them.  Later this month, we have a hotel party so we are really looking forward to that.

Many of the friends who we had before, well, they are out there but we haven't hung out with them.  Regular's are doing good but we've lost touch even though we live 15 minutes away.  The Chemistry's well, he's still a FB friend but beyond that, he's just a FB friend.  Same with the DJ's.  If any of them are still in the lifestyle...I don't know...nor do I need to.  

Vanilla life is more balanced with friends.  We have a large support network.  Our son's sport schedule is insane so that keeps us grounded as well.  I'm heavier than when I last left the lifestyle and I'm okay with that for right now.  I've been able to have some great workouts for the last 1.5 years but my nutrition has been crap.  Mr. Learning gained 50 pounds with an impending job loss but he was able to lose what he gained in 2018.  We both are doing keto to shed the weight so we will see what happens.

While we were retired, I felt confident that we would dive back in when ready.  The lifestyle is always out there, if you ever need a break but it's nice to be back....

Happy almost new year...

It's been a rough year for me.  I am a person who does not transition well but putting my needs behind my family needs was essential this year.  How I responded to the transition was not necessarily good but I doubt if I could have handled it any other way.  Now after the dust has settled, I still miss my old life, my old co-workers, my old neighborhood/neighbors but I am accepting this reality and open to creating a better life in my new area.  We are finally forging ahead.   Meeting new people is rough but hopefully the summer will bring some new friendships.  It's boring not to have some friends.  We figure that we are going to get the kid involved in gymnastics this winter plus swimming so maybe that will get us involved with some vanilla friends.  We are trying to get out more with our son and creating family memories.  Life has been filled with visiting parks to feed the ducks or hitting the local museum. What is also helping is that our son is not handing us our asses as much anymore.  Nothing is better than a 21 month old controlling us.  We stepped up the parenting and he's doing better.

As for swinging...it's out there...hopefully down the road.  To answer your question, John, there is a group that I belong online to who is doing a meet up in April in Columbus at a club so hopefully the cards will be in our favor to go :) It's been years since we have been to a club so I would love to go even if Mr. Learning and I will be voyeurs.  We are dying for some couple time.  We still have yet to secure a babysitter but hopefully that will happen soon!

So here's to a good new year.  It's been an interesting two years and we are ready for things to settle down.  Here's a big kiss to you all.  Take care and happy New Years!

And the week came...

Update...finally getting settled here.  The physical move was terrific because my husband's company hired movers for us.   Nothing like a relocation company taking care of you but unpacking was a bitch.  We are glad to be done with that.  Now I just need to organize things a tad better and everything will be fine.

The one good thing about buying a newer home is that nothing needs to be done because it's newer.  At our old house, we were constantly working on a project every month.  If it wasn't this, it was that...now we get to relax.  Sure there's some finishing stuff like finishing out the basement and completing the drywall in the garage but that's about it.

I got back to Weight Watchers 3 weeks ago and joined a gym as well.  It feels great to be back into some type of routine because oh how I let my emotions get the best out of me the last few months.  Emotional eating and me were best friends so needless to say, I hit an all time high but that's okay because I am back on track.  I am tracking my points and devoting an hour a day to myself with exercise and it feels great to have some me time.

Now it's just time to reconnect with the hubby.  This past weekend was the first time that we had a whole day together without the kid.  I absolutely love the kid but we have not been kid free since June of 2011and it was nice just to be out.  We need to have more balance in this area but it will come as we get settled.

The new job is okay, the team likes me, and I had an awesome 90 day review.  I still can't compare it to where I was, but that's not fair.  In a year, I will feel like I have been there forever.

No swinging action going on of course.  We are looking at going down to Columbus in April for a meet up with some people so that could be fun.  I am just living vicariously through others and watching SWING on playboy TV.  Got to love it...so keep the adventures coming.

One more week? one more week? one more...

In order to make it through the week, I have been telling myself "just one more week...you can do it".  We are at the tail end of this moving journey that has totally taken over our life for the past two years and I just keep telling myself in "one more week we will know more".  I know it almost done but I am so ready to be done that it's not even funny.  We are almost there.  House is sold but the new owners have not closed on it.  New house is completed but it's still not done...it looks done but not done.  No close date yet but once we have it...boom...things will start to move.

As I was sitting with someone today, my mantra with them was give up to get more.   I was letting her know that she had to give up control to get more control.  This is kind of what I need right now as I move through this new journey.  I have just needed to let go of things so I could gain control of the situation.  Maybe it would have made this transition easier, maybe it would have been smoother.  I don't know but maybe, just maybe.

The other thing is that I have lost myself in the past two years.  I don't really know who I am anymore.  I know who I used to be but I don't necessarily know if I like the person who I am now.  I need to switch it up.  I need to make myself a priority again, start to care again, start to get excited again, and get that passion back.  That intensity that really makes things spark up in life because I am tired of this.  This is not working for me because I want to participate again but in what? I am not too sure but I want that feeling of living again, instead of just existing.  To live, it means that the passion is there, the goals, the energy, and the determination.  What I have now, is the lust to want to get things inline again but the self doubt in myself needs to just go...it cannot exist in myself any longer.

So here I am, looking for a new me.  I have a new job, a new home on the way, and new adventures to be had but I need to embrace it with full arms.  Kind of what Hubman did with his new change (hubman, you are amazing and thanks for your recent post on this).  One more week...one more week...one more week...

I am pretty proud of myself.  Today was the first time in a week that I haven't cried about transitioning. Yesterday, I even had a moment of "I am happy to be done with them..." as I giggled with my boss.  She laughed and said that the new replacement will "have fun with them".  I love my boss...she is an amazing woman.

I've been pretty smart about the transition so far.  I think I picked out a great company that is much easier going than I am used to.  I will be in the same position but I have skills that others do not have, thus, I will be somewhat a pioneer and power player.  This new company is very eager and very happy to have me, as they should be.  I do rock at what I do and I can run circles around others. Or so I think...

As the transitioning, I will be doing a longer commute until our house sells or hubbies company buys it from us (within 60 days).  Our new house is set to close in mid September.  We are getting a brand new spanking house and I am excited about that.  Our new mortgage rate is going to be $75 cheaper than our current home plus we get a new home and 600 more sq feet.  It's a ticky tacky but we will make it our own.  We will live about 5 minutes from some swinger friends but our relationship is purely vanilla now that I highly doubt if we will hit it with them one day.  Humm, though I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

When it concerns swinging I wonder how it's going to work in the future.  Not that we are even discussing it but the thoughts are there.  Right now, we are somewhat anonymous in our community.  We rarely run into others and we just do our thing.  In our new community, it's smaller.  You know the type of community that everyone know everyone else's business.  In fact, my husband has coworkers who live right down the street from us and they already know we are buying the home before anyone else.

Our friends swing with others who have kids on the same sports teams and other various community activities.  We've seen them sexting back and forth while at a soccer game with their fellow friends.  I don't know if I could do that.   It's like "yeah, I fucked you last night but now I see you in full mommy mode at the game".  I couldn't imagine in the future going to my son's school and seeing a dad/mom I was with the week before.  What about if people talk?....they tend to always do....lots of risks.  I like being anonymous...I like others not knowing my business unless I share.    So how do people do it?  My kind of fun is being anonymous at a party and just letting things flow.  We love not knowing others.  Our friends have a group of 10-20 couples who have all been with each other.  That semi freaks me out, like "hey I was with them, susie was with them, john was with them, etc".  That just seems too close to me.  We giggled last night that the friends will probably stop inviting us to their parties now that we are a few minutes away....we'll see.

Getting there.....slowly :)

I am wrapping things up right now and I am in that phase of saying goodbye to some amazing people in my life.  I'm a pretty lucky gal because I have been touched by so many.  I was breaking the news to some people I work with and have had several break down at the news.  We cry together and I infuse them with positivism noting "you will be all right" "you can do it...look at all the progress that you have done, it wasn't me" and I believe that.  I believe that the move is going to be good for me know.  When looking at the large picture, potentially I have the impact of becoming stronger, more influential in my position because I have something to offer that no one does.  It's kind of nice to have a feeling of being a power player.  I can really do some shaping to the landscape.

The added bonus is that my commute is now knocked down to half of what I was doing, my son will be 10 minutes away from work, and the pace is going to be so much different.  Right now, all I know is  RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN.  Though I get paid a ton for it.  My new position, not so much but it sounds like my new pace will be slow slow slow.  My quality of life is going to be better.

The benefits of all, I get more time with my family, commute time is cut in half, my son is 10 minutes away so I can visit him on my lunch hour, and life is going to slow down.  My new house is twice the size of my old one, it's brand spanking new, and the payment is going to be $60 less than what it is now.  Funny....

So thanks for putting up with me.  I am in a good spot looking forward to new adventures and getting a new me back.  Healthy lifestyle back so that I can be the best I can be for Mr. Learning because he deserves it since I have been so disconnected lately.

You know in three months...

In three months, my life is going to look different.  The limbo of the last two years will possibly be gone.  We will be living in a new city, new job for me, new home, new daycare for our son, and hopefully a new outlook.

Life.....has.....been......challenging.  I've shut down.  In almost every sense.  I'm numb.  I don't do well with change.  I never have.  It's my personality and my quirk about myself.  I crave structure, routine, and structure again.  While others crave new beginnings, I always cling to my present, fearful at times of what the future may bring.  So I am pressing forward.  I know if I cling to what I currently have now, it will not be that way in the future.

I need to be more flexible, more open.  I landed a decent job, very family friendly, and flexible.  Pressure will hopefully less and my quality of life will increase.

With all of the stuff going on, I have emotionally shut myself down.  Sex is essentially non-existent.  That's an issue.  I'm so out of touch with myself that I am not connecting well with Mr. Learning.  So here's to three months and hopefully I will have something wonderful to report and I will wake up to happiness again.