Vanilla: Baby Learning is just too darn tall.  He is around 33" inches we think at this point thus he is always cramming himself into his crib.  I can't wait until he matures a tad so he would have some more room in a larger bed.  He is always getting himself crammed in the tightest spots like this.  I think that one of the few reasons why he wakes up in the middle of the night hollering and screaming.  They say you need to start looking at transitioning him at 35" inches but with him being only one, it creates this waiting period for maturity.  He is close to walking now.  I bet it will be occurring in the next few weeks.  He's still as spicy as ever.

We continue to get sick over here.  It totally sucks because I am a healthy person but with the lack of sleep, my immune system is down.  Thus, I am getting sick all the time :( which makes me sad.  I know it's going to get smoother.  There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

This job hunt is an interesting process.  I am amazed on how long it takes the process now.  When I got hired at my job back in 2000, I got a face to face, then a second interview, and boom, I was hired.  Now, it's a phone interview, a face to face, another face to face, and then more waiting.  These companies have it good right now because they can take their time to select the best candidate out there.  They don't have to move quickly, it's about getting the best.   My contact says I am still in the running but at this point, I'm so less enthusiastic about the job because the time lapse makes me go blah....not interested...but I can't have that attitude because I want things better for Mr. Learning.  The other job interview went okay via phone.  The actual job would not start until fall and I would only have to work 6.5 months a year with full benefits and other countless perks.  They will let me know if I get a face to face next month and then I will have to compete for a spot in the final three.  This would be an amazing opportunity and I really want this job so wish me luck.

Swinger: Of course nothing is going on here.  I appreciate living vicariously through you all.  Though I have to admit, I can't wait until the inlaws are back in state so they can watch baby learning so we can go on a date.  Right now, my only fantasy is to hit a hotel and spend the weekend by getting some sleep...if you put an event in the middle of it, it would be icing on the cake!  I miss being around like minded people.

I am also saddened by all the leaking of Stephen Hawking being at a club.  I think it's awesome that he is out there going to clubs, but the lack of confidentiality is what saddens me.  Why are people not following the swinger code.  Why bring this up? Why are lifestyle people talking about this?  If you see someone popular, keep the mouth shut and smile....come on swingers!

You know you are vanilla when....

Swinger: Well, you know you are truly heading down the vanilla route when a friends so you some pictures of hedo and all you can see is an old dude getting sucked off in tube socks and think "damn, that dude is as old as my dad.  I wouldn't want to see that happening".  My friend was shocked that I didn't find it hot at all.  It was like "no, that is not hot....pictures of guys of my dad's age getting sucked off is not for me man.  That would make me run from hedo".  I must be vanilla. I can't get into the mind set "wow, look at them screwing".  I was more fixated on the ages.  You know that is a sign of returning to vanilla probably.  When you are swinging, I don't recall really noticing people's ages too much.  Though it is funny that is all I saw when I saw the text.

Our friends are in hedo next month for the first time and they are going alone so they are trying to meet up with some people via the websites so they can get a feel for the place.  That can be smart but that can be in a way, a pain.  What happens if they meet some people online only to meet them at the place and they annoy you for the whole trip? I would be petrified at that. It's hard to tell people, "hey, you are nice but I am not swinging with you".  We never really mastered that one.  We'll see how it goes for them but you have to laugh.

What are the chances...

Vanilla: What are the chances that both my husband and I get sick? Argh, what a weekend.  Mr. Learning and I were struggling with the worst cabin fever ever.  We were chomping at the bit to get out because it's been months since we have done anything fun...well, we are talking about vanilla fun that is...swinger fun, well that almost seems like ancient history.  We started trying to think of things to do.  Go to Frakenmuth (which is a killer German town in Michigan), hit some Breweries, priceline a room in Chicago, or visit some relatives.  After a process of elimination, we decided the cheap wise thing is to make a trip to see a family member.  Both of our folks are wintering down south so that leaves our siblings.  I called my sister and her family was sick so we decided to travel out to Detroit to see Mr. Learning's sister.  Feeling good, we packed baby learning in the car and headed out.  We had a fabulous evening and we got to chill out some.  Everything was going great then.....baby learning woke up every hour on the hour in his new pack and play.  Granted now this is a brand new pack and play because I thought my last one was junk and prevented him from sleep.  Guess what?  The new one did not make a difference.  That little guy does not do well at all in it.  He rolls all over it and when he hits a side he wakes up screaming.  The only thing that I can think of is that my little guy is really tall for 11 months.  He's about 33 inches right now.  Which is in the 100% percentile of height.  So I was getting up non-stop.  Then in the middle of that, I start to get flushed and start getting the chills.  Then Mr. Learning comes to bed and he has the chills as well.  I thought "oh crap we have the flu".  We make it to the morning and baby learning is up a 7am and I take him downstairs where I find my 9 year old nephew up and rearing to go.  I cannot stay focused.  About 9:30, my sister in law wakes up and luckily she was willing to watch baby learning.  I go back to bed and I am out for the count.  I sleep for a few hours and Mr. Learning is barely functioning.  I'm doing a tad better but I feel like a steam roller flattened me...and we have a 3.5 hour trip home.  We were finally able to pull it together and we journeyed home.  Went to bed at 7:30 that night and slept.  I fair rough but go to work on Monday (I've only called in twice in the past 12 years at my job).  Mr. Learning goes in to see the doctor and it's strep.  Yup...lucky us, we have strep.  We figured out that baby must have been the carrier because when he was sick two weeks ago, he must of had strep because so far, the little man is not falling ill.  This totally bites.  Right when I get my grove on too.  I was able to hit the gym four days last week.  Now I am out until Thursday :( boo!

Though the only good that is coming from this is that our appetites have been so poor, all I can manage to eat is soup and smoothies.  I wanted to lose weight but I wasn't expecting this.  Maybe I need to rephrase what I ask for...

Regardless, we have both decided that traveling with the baby is not in our cards.  As much as we like to get out and stay overnight, this is not going to happen.  Getting up on the hour every hour does not trump the pros of getting out of the house.  We have a mini outing to Mackinaw in June that we will have to decide if baby is coming or not.  Maybe it's his age but how in the heck to people travel with younger kids?   At least in the upcoming months, we have inlaws that can watch the little guy.  We will figure it out...maybe :)

Swinger: Friends are going to Hedo next month.  So happy for them!  I was doing some peaking at the resorts and it sounds interesting.  I would definitely go sometime but we would have to stay on the prude side and go exploring on the wild side.  Our friends are more exhibitionists/nudists so they will do terrific.  For Mr. Learning and I, we like clothing.  I can't ever see myself walking around naked...tried it once and it wasn't my cup of tea.  In my book, too much naked is not a good thing.  When getting with people in person, it's kind of nice to "unwrap" them of their clothes.  Looking at their wanker right away might be a deterrent because I also like to see what's underneath...sometimes there are surprises but their personality won out so it doesn't matter.   One of the hottest partners we have had, the guy had a dick the size of my pinkie but he was so hot, it didn't matter.  If I knew that ahead of time, that might have been a "no".    Clothing is good!  At least in my world it is...

Wow, what a difference a week makes...

Vanilla: I hit a low point last week.  I have to say if that was my rock bottom, I don't want to be visiting that place again.  Saturday morning was awful.  I had my weigh in at Jenny and they asked how I was doing and I'm like "Hey, I'm not going to bull crap you.  I feel like total shit this morning and no matter what you say, I know it's me.  There's no spinning my behavior.  I'm just floating right now.  I'm not meeting my goals, and I don't care".  The sad thing is that I did not care wither or not I was meeting my goals.  I was so tired from baby learning not sleeping from teething, I was awful, emotional, and sad.  She went onto encourage Mr. Learning and I to go on a vacation.  Oh dear girl, how I would love to but that's not an option right now.  I left there in a daze.  I also was totally disgusted by myself.  Then I ended up breaking down with Mr. Learning.  I just started to bawl when he put up our baby gets and put them six inches off the floor.  Now, I normally would not care but I was like WTF.  You are the freaking smartest man that I know but honey, really? six inches off the floor, do you not see our son trying to hang off those? So I started to just sob about how I hate my life, I'm overwhelmed, I feel stress about finding a job, and I am so sleep deprived that I couldn't function.  I told him to get out of the house for a bit so I would have time to think and calm down.  He did.  I got some clarity, calmed down, and got centered.  I chatted with Mr. Learning on what I need right now.  I need some support, I need sleep, and I need to merge my old life with my new life.  Then the universe started to be kinder.  It knew I needed some support.  BB from Our open marriage adventures texted me (you will never know how much I truly needed that support) and my old friend from high school who I spoke about here.  Something began to click. I started to think about my old goals of fitness and eating better.

Then on Monday, I got to sit in with a behavioralist.  I watched him talk to this person and I was in awe because in a way, what he was saying to her, is what I needed to hear.  I had this light bulb moment of that my life during the last two years has been operating out of fear and being scared.  I truly have been operating out of fear lately so I needed to change, get control back.  Where I have control is this job thing.  Okay, I truly love my job.  I love it.  It's awesome.  I am respected and unless if I get this other killer job, I am not leaving.  We will have to work with it.  The other thing, I want to work out.  Now, I cannot control if my son sleeps all night, but I can control when I got to bed.  I'm settling in at 10:15 and waking up at 5:20 to go to the gym.  And I am back to logging the points with Weight Watchers.

Hubman, Josh, Mr. No Name you guys were right.  You both have been saying take a step back, breathe.  It's taken me a while but breathing calmly is now occurring.

Looking back, I fell into this trap after baby learning.  I had a good flow going in the beginning because I wanted to have our old swinging life back.  I wanted to be trim for that.  I wanted to hit the lifestyle again before fall because that is where the fun was.  Well, those were the wrong reasons for me.  I'm totally being selfish right now because I want to make changes for me, so I can be a better me, a better wife, and mother.  I'm getting my flow back and it feels great.  I do love my life and what it can look like in the future.

Thanks for your support all.

Swinger: Well, heck we all know there's nothing going on it that area but I do have to share that I was totally picking up a cute cop last week.  Damn, she was a cutie.  Glasses, pony tail, killer smile, and some curves.  We were bantering back and forth and it was awesome dialogue.  That's never happened before for me.  Humm, I still can bring it with my cute smile :)

I am not digging myself lately...

Vanilla: Or better off being said, I am not liking the person who I am turning into.  I feel like my life has been on this roller coaster lately full of high's and low's.  Lately, more low's than high but I honestly feel like I have been sinking slowly into a person I don't necessarily dig.  It's hard being this new mom who is supposed to be full of confidence, energy, and spunk.  Lately, I've been somewhat scared, lack of energy, and just generally dragging.  I want more out of my day.  I want to have that burst of energy again and that zest.  I'm tired of floating.  Maybe this is my rock bottom but I want things to change.

I have good intentions, really I do.  I tell myself I am going to "start the gym next week", or "I am going to log my points tomorrow", or "I will not worry anymore".  The frank reality, is that I haven't started the gym again, I haven't logged my points, and I am worrying about everything :( It's this endless hamster wheel.

I know my lack of doing better is tied into my emotions completely.  I stress eat, I avoid, and I embrace denial...(yes, I may want to look into the mirror and not acknowledge that my muffin tops are there but really, who am I kidding, they are).  Yesterday, I went to a meeting unprepared but luckily a coworker saved myself.  I ran the meeting and was a tad scattered.  Got a text in the meeting that baby learning may have foot and mouth so we have to take him in to the doctor then meet my husband at the doctor to find out that he has an unknown fever.  Then I stop at Sonic, grab a huge drink, burger, and some chili cheese tots. This is not me.  The old me would have never gone into a meeting so unprepared or stuffed my body with foods because I am not doing well with emotions.  It's got to stop.

I am writing this as more of a confession of what I have been doing.  As today is a new day and I have goals to accomplish.  I'm tired of avoiding what I need to do.  It's about time I figure things out because if I continue on the route I am on, I am so not going to like that person at all.  She is not reflective of who I want to be.  So here I go....

Full moon weeks tick me off :(

Vanilla: I believe there is a direct correlation between the full moon and people's behavior.  Really, there must be because it was a strange week this week.  I'll start off with the challenging.  Work.  Yup, not fun with dealing with outside companies who are supposed to be on your side yet their ego's get into the way.  They don't get that we all are working for a common goal.  They think their way is the only way.  Unfortunately, their way is full of gaps and when they eventually get caught with their pants down, well, lets just say I don't want to be a part of it so I spoke my mind.  Nicely of course and was very professional but now my boss has to have a meeting next week because of what happened.  I pray that she has my back.  If she doesn't, it's sad because I am right on this.  I offered to meet with the people who complained but instead of addressing it with me, they are going straight to the boss.  Fuckers.  So I feel I have no recourse but in the end, I guess karma will come to bite them in the ass.  So that's the shitty thing that went on with me this week.  I am really good, I mean really good, at what I do.  I know my job, I know it well and when people question my ethics, I get really pissed off.

The good: I think I gave a good interview.  It lasted about 2 hours.  It was an interactive interview where I was asking the president of the company questions and she was asking met questions.  I like what they are doing.  I really think that they are a respectable firm making change in people's lives  I loved her energy, attitude, and style.  She told me at the end that if I am a match, she will bring me in to meet the team because there is some anxiety about getting a new manager because they are all seasoned staff.  I told her that I am very open to it since if we all do not jive with each other, I would want to know because I expect some harmony within the unit and if not, I will respectfully decline to join the team.  I will keep you posted if I get a 3 interview.

Swinger: Humm, as usual, nothing but hey, that's okay.  We've seen the regulars so they keep us on the up to date drama in the community.  There's always a bunch so I'm glad we are out of that aspect.  Though, I totally miss the social aspect.  There's a big party for Mardi Gras and they asked if we wanted to go but we declined.  Since we have no childcare and are not big fans of leaving our child alone with a sitter yet, we will not go.  It's nice to hear their excitement about meeting couples and hitting it off.

Humm...my friend Josh @ The journal to a sexually open marriage had a full swap last night.  I am so excited for them as Josh has met my doppelganger (minus the evil) and fucked the shit out of her last night.    And of course, my friend Hubman has been able to have two full swaps recently.  You guys rock.  I'll spend tonight catching up with my other blog friends but you guys rock and of course give me inspiration that one day too, we will swing again.

Now that was quick...

Vanilla:  I got a call for an interview!  That was quick.  HR left me a message and I called them back but got a voicemail.  Woot Woot! I'm rusty on my interviewing skills.  It's been close to 12 years since I have had to interview so if anyone has any pointers send them my way.



Swinger: Nothing like getting dirty texts from friends...it's always a pick me up.  Mr. Regular sent us some nice pics out of the blue so those are always welcomed.  Life is good!!!