Enough of the scrambling...

Vanilla and Swinger: One thing I can take stock in is that my overall vanilla confidence in my skills and abilities is top notch at this time. I'm good at what I do, really good.  People like me, they like my confidence, and I am so good, I can talk people into buying into what I have to offer usually with no difficulties.  The ones that can't buy into me are usually the ones trying to hid things from me yet, I know it, can feel it, and it frustrates me.  I recently took a meyers briggs personality profile test of myself and I am such an INFJ it's not even funny.  That is me to a tee.  I usually have such killer instincts that it's not even funny.  That's where it gives me trouble in the swinger environment.  I have such a high level of darn intuition, I can peg people pretty damn good.  I can tell if there is strife, if the couple is up to no good, or some other strange situation.  It's happened every time that a couple is not suited for us. Though listening to the gut has often been difficult.  The one thing about this process that I have learned is that I always chalked up my anxiety for being scared but really, I am now wondering if it's not the anxiety but it's purely the instincts kicking in telling me to have us run.  So needless to say, no more questioning it, it is what it is.

We have been able to spend some time with our swinger friends lately.  I am always truly amazed and in awe of how both couples do things right.  They have it down to a science with swinging.  Swinging is kind of a science.  Their balance in the lifestyle is amazing.  They are amazing people, super parents, and amazing partners.  Their views on swinging is kind of different though.  One couple is more relationship swingers where they enjoy building a friendship with others.  The other couple is go with the flow, it's all about fun and experience.  I can only hope that if we get back into the swing of things, we can find our flow.

Vanilla: I am so shut down emotionally lately that I have blinders on.  I can just see what is in front of me right now.  Big picture stuff has been out of the picture for a while.  The past week was tough but I have a plan now.  Huge plans.  I have a PLAN A and a PLAN B.  Both scenarios are win win.  I'm ready to take my life back and kick it into high gear.  Enough scrambling...

Always go with your gut!

Vanilla: I don't think I have ever experienced a week like this week in my whole entire life.  All I can say us at the end of the week, it all worked out.  I knew I had some anxiety about this new job.  I thought it was just the 22% cut in pay, the added responsibilities but in the end it was my gut telling me to run from this place.  I had already given notice to work.  Luckily, I have been communicating the whole time with my boss what was going on.  Needless to say, the new job is a clusterfuck and I am not going to be a part of it. My work place knows what is going on.  They know I have one more interview at an amazing place.  If that is not a go, it's on Mr. Learning.  What a week though.  Stupid fucktards at new company were willing to throw me to the lions.  Life is better though.  The universe looked out for me and it pays to be an amazing employee. 

And so it begins...

Vanilla: The massive decluttering is occurring in the Learning household.  We are getting the knick knacks packed up.  My living room is not completely down and there is no evidence of any emotional attachment is in the room.  Everything is out besides a lamp, clock, two small vases, and the bose radio.  Mr. Learning did some wainscoting for the entry today and it looks sharp and he repainted the trim in the entrance way.  We were busy!  Our goal is to get the house set up to sell on June 1st so we will see if this can happen.  I called my sister to get some help so they are going to come in one weekend and she will care for baby learning while my brother in law helps with the basement.  Our basement is a major cluster fuck and I am not ready to tackle that yet.  We figure we are going to attack the main floor, then move upstairs, attic, and then down.  I'm trying to convince Mr. Learning that we need a dumpster but he is not buying it.  He is convinced that we can put everything in the hirby kirby during the next six weeks.  Humm...he's being cheap.

I gave formal notice on Thursday.  References were checked and they came back amazing. I had my drug test on Friday so it's real now.  I get to meet some of my new coworkers next week because they want me to meet the team, which I think is kind of odd but the past worker left on a sour note and there's a lot of anxiety of me coming in.  I will win them with my smile.  The one awesome thing that swinging has done for me is to go in confident even though I am terrified on the inside.  Thank you swinging.

We also have to gear up and find a new daycare.  I am sad about this because I love baby learnings daycare.  They are terrific and amazing people.  I have a few places that were recommended so we will check them out.  I know another good place is out there for him.

Originally, we were going to live in Mr. Learnings parents home while they were in Florida.  Then we would live there Mon-Thursday when they got back but they did a massive no-no this week which pissed Mr. Learning off.  They told his sister that we were moving to the area.  Mr. Learning wanted to tell her but when he found out that his brother in law was just dx with colon cancer, he decided to wait.  Then he found out that mother in law told so needless to say, she has poor boundaries so we will not be living with them.  Which makes me feel better because I don't need a hovering mother in law right now.

I am getting excited about our new life.  I can't imagine having two more hours a day.  It doesn't even seem real that it is happening.  We started to look at houses and we are not too sure on what we are going to do.  We have a home right now that has a ton of character so we thing we are going to go with a new build because we don't want to compare this hours to the new home.  I would have some trouble getting over that.  So it's better off having a new start.

Swinger: Our friends had a blast at hedo.  They loved it and connected with a ton of people.  That is awesome for that.  They noted that they would do it in a heart beat again.  It sounded like they really connected with one couple so good for them.  Though, they noted that they are now ready to put the lifestyle on the back burner for a bit because it was some major fun but they are burnt out.  That is something that I never would expect to hear from them.   Sometimes it's not good to have too much of a good thing.

I feel like I am breaking up with someone who I am still passionate about...

Vanilla: The job is mine.  I got a verbal offer from the new company pending reference checks and a clear drug screen, it will be formally mine.

Funny thing is that I got a call noting that I was the 2nd candidate for the position but they had to go with the other individual because she had direct experience compared to myself.  I was okay with that and noted to the HR person "No problem at all.  You all need to do what is best for yourself and the company but keep me in mind if anything comes up....blah...blah...blah..."  Two days later, I get a call with the offer.  The other candidate withdrew due to health issues.  I told her that I would get back with her on Friday.  Then I cried....for two days.

I love my job.  I love my family more though.  With my husband's company closing and relocating the drive with a child in our life would not work.  I am marketable and can hang my hat any where I want, he is but he isn't.  This is the best because we have family in the new city, friends, and Mr. Learning grew up there.  We learned this week we need our supports around us because we had an uber sick child and ended up in the ER with him.

But I still feel like I am breaking up with someone who I love dearly.  I am a pretty closed person and spending over 12 years with my current job makes be sad that I am leaving because those people know me (well, know me in the vanilla sense).  The new job is more intense, a higher level of responsibility, and it is out of my comfort zone but I know I will rock because I am cool like that :)

I am still sad...but happy because in six months, life is going to be better.  The next six months are going to be non stop getting the house prepared to sell, find a new home, and move.  But we will get through it. So maybe life will be easier? I hope so.  The last year and a half has been nothing but limbo and now we have a plan.

I am a girl who always needs a plan.  Planning is good!

Swinger: Funny, I had to defend a poly family this week.  A close coworker encountered one and she was so disgusted.  "How can he be a good dad when he can screw another woman other than his wife".  I explained to her how that in the long run, it's not up to us to judge that.  As long as the spouse is okay with it, then that is all that matters.  I had a few looks but I also had some support.  Man, she would die if she ever found out what I used to be up to....

Vanilla: Baby Learning is just too darn tall.  He is around 33" inches we think at this point thus he is always cramming himself into his crib.  I can't wait until he matures a tad so he would have some more room in a larger bed.  He is always getting himself crammed in the tightest spots like this.  I think that one of the few reasons why he wakes up in the middle of the night hollering and screaming.  They say you need to start looking at transitioning him at 35" inches but with him being only one, it creates this waiting period for maturity.  He is close to walking now.  I bet it will be occurring in the next few weeks.  He's still as spicy as ever.

We continue to get sick over here.  It totally sucks because I am a healthy person but with the lack of sleep, my immune system is down.  Thus, I am getting sick all the time :( which makes me sad.  I know it's going to get smoother.  There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

This job hunt is an interesting process.  I am amazed on how long it takes the process now.  When I got hired at my job back in 2000, I got a face to face, then a second interview, and boom, I was hired.  Now, it's a phone interview, a face to face, another face to face, and then more waiting.  These companies have it good right now because they can take their time to select the best candidate out there.  They don't have to move quickly, it's about getting the best.   My contact says I am still in the running but at this point, I'm so less enthusiastic about the job because the time lapse makes me go blah....not interested...but I can't have that attitude because I want things better for Mr. Learning.  The other job interview went okay via phone.  The actual job would not start until fall and I would only have to work 6.5 months a year with full benefits and other countless perks.  They will let me know if I get a face to face next month and then I will have to compete for a spot in the final three.  This would be an amazing opportunity and I really want this job so wish me luck.

Swinger: Of course nothing is going on here.  I appreciate living vicariously through you all.  Though I have to admit, I can't wait until the inlaws are back in state so they can watch baby learning so we can go on a date.  Right now, my only fantasy is to hit a hotel and spend the weekend by getting some sleep...if you put an event in the middle of it, it would be icing on the cake!  I miss being around like minded people.

I am also saddened by all the leaking of Stephen Hawking being at a club.  I think it's awesome that he is out there going to clubs, but the lack of confidentiality is what saddens me.  Why are people not following the swinger code.  Why bring this up? Why are lifestyle people talking about this?  If you see someone popular, keep the mouth shut and smile....come on swingers!

You know you are vanilla when....

Swinger: Well, you know you are truly heading down the vanilla route when a friends so you some pictures of hedo and all you can see is an old dude getting sucked off in tube socks and think "damn, that dude is as old as my dad.  I wouldn't want to see that happening".  My friend was shocked that I didn't find it hot at all.  It was like "no, that is not hot....pictures of guys of my dad's age getting sucked off is not for me man.  That would make me run from hedo".  I must be vanilla. I can't get into the mind set "wow, look at them screwing".  I was more fixated on the ages.  You know that is a sign of returning to vanilla probably.  When you are swinging, I don't recall really noticing people's ages too much.  Though it is funny that is all I saw when I saw the text.

Our friends are in hedo next month for the first time and they are going alone so they are trying to meet up with some people via the websites so they can get a feel for the place.  That can be smart but that can be in a way, a pain.  What happens if they meet some people online only to meet them at the place and they annoy you for the whole trip? I would be petrified at that. It's hard to tell people, "hey, you are nice but I am not swinging with you".  We never really mastered that one.  We'll see how it goes for them but you have to laugh.

What are the chances...

Vanilla: What are the chances that both my husband and I get sick? Argh, what a weekend.  Mr. Learning and I were struggling with the worst cabin fever ever.  We were chomping at the bit to get out because it's been months since we have done anything fun...well, we are talking about vanilla fun that is...swinger fun, well that almost seems like ancient history.  We started trying to think of things to do.  Go to Frakenmuth (which is a killer German town in Michigan), hit some Breweries, priceline a room in Chicago, or visit some relatives.  After a process of elimination, we decided the cheap wise thing is to make a trip to see a family member.  Both of our folks are wintering down south so that leaves our siblings.  I called my sister and her family was sick so we decided to travel out to Detroit to see Mr. Learning's sister.  Feeling good, we packed baby learning in the car and headed out.  We had a fabulous evening and we got to chill out some.  Everything was going great then.....baby learning woke up every hour on the hour in his new pack and play.  Granted now this is a brand new pack and play because I thought my last one was junk and prevented him from sleep.  Guess what?  The new one did not make a difference.  That little guy does not do well at all in it.  He rolls all over it and when he hits a side he wakes up screaming.  The only thing that I can think of is that my little guy is really tall for 11 months.  He's about 33 inches right now.  Which is in the 100% percentile of height.  So I was getting up non-stop.  Then in the middle of that, I start to get flushed and start getting the chills.  Then Mr. Learning comes to bed and he has the chills as well.  I thought "oh crap we have the flu".  We make it to the morning and baby learning is up a 7am and I take him downstairs where I find my 9 year old nephew up and rearing to go.  I cannot stay focused.  About 9:30, my sister in law wakes up and luckily she was willing to watch baby learning.  I go back to bed and I am out for the count.  I sleep for a few hours and Mr. Learning is barely functioning.  I'm doing a tad better but I feel like a steam roller flattened me...and we have a 3.5 hour trip home.  We were finally able to pull it together and we journeyed home.  Went to bed at 7:30 that night and slept.  I fair rough but go to work on Monday (I've only called in twice in the past 12 years at my job).  Mr. Learning goes in to see the doctor and it's strep.  Yup...lucky us, we have strep.  We figured out that baby must have been the carrier because when he was sick two weeks ago, he must of had strep because so far, the little man is not falling ill.  This totally bites.  Right when I get my grove on too.  I was able to hit the gym four days last week.  Now I am out until Thursday :( boo!

Though the only good that is coming from this is that our appetites have been so poor, all I can manage to eat is soup and smoothies.  I wanted to lose weight but I wasn't expecting this.  Maybe I need to rephrase what I ask for...

Regardless, we have both decided that traveling with the baby is not in our cards.  As much as we like to get out and stay overnight, this is not going to happen.  Getting up on the hour every hour does not trump the pros of getting out of the house.  We have a mini outing to Mackinaw in June that we will have to decide if baby is coming or not.  Maybe it's his age but how in the heck to people travel with younger kids?   At least in the upcoming months, we have inlaws that can watch the little guy.  We will figure it out...maybe :)

Swinger: Friends are going to Hedo next month.  So happy for them!  I was doing some peaking at the resorts and it sounds interesting.  I would definitely go sometime but we would have to stay on the prude side and go exploring on the wild side.  Our friends are more exhibitionists/nudists so they will do terrific.  For Mr. Learning and I, we like clothing.  I can't ever see myself walking around naked...tried it once and it wasn't my cup of tea.  In my book, too much naked is not a good thing.  When getting with people in person, it's kind of nice to "unwrap" them of their clothes.  Looking at their wanker right away might be a deterrent because I also like to see what's underneath...sometimes there are surprises but their personality won out so it doesn't matter.   One of the hottest partners we have had, the guy had a dick the size of my pinkie but he was so hot, it didn't matter.  If I knew that ahead of time, that might have been a "no".    Clothing is good!  At least in my world it is...