Monday, November 28, 2011

Damn, it's been a month!

Vanilla: When it gets quiet for me, it usually means that life because a tad challenging. Work has been kicking my ass and I think I am experiencing a full moon month. People have been horrible with me lately and I'm having to be a very gentle but confrontational person. This does not jive well with me. I am the type of person that people in general will drain my emotional battery so when I come home, I'm in such a huge self preservation mode. When this happens, I just shut down, I am quiet, and I totally withdraw in my own world. I don't even share with Mr. Learning about my day, I'm just in my shell, managing alone not wanting to share about the shit around me. I think I do this because I want to leave work at work and sometimes, I just want to forget my day. Lately, I have been doing a lot of forgetting my days. I love what I do but at this time of the year, everything tends to cycle to the negative. I'm trying to not be one of those people.

I am also struggling with some massive sleep depravation. Sometimes I feel like the universe is not allowing me to sleep. If it's not baby learning, it's Mr. Learning, if its not him, its our cats, if it's not our cats, it's an alarm that I have never heard going off at 3:00 in the morning. So I have been begging the universe to please be kind and allow me to catch up on some sleep. Where it is really showing it's effects, is on my job. I have to be mentally on my game 110% of the time. Lately, I've been so tired that I'm experiencing some aphasia. Which is not fun because I look like a fool but luckily people are understanding.

The weight is not coming off. It's almost like I am putting that on the back burner until the sleep returns. The lack of sleep equals no working out, which means no weight loss so I am in this horrible cycle. I'm hoping that it will change before January. I just lack energy...I know working out can only help me for the better but I am not there mentally. I'm floating right now but at least it's mindful floating. Floating just to survive but I want more than survival but that's where I am at right now.

I have several coworkers who just have kids who are doing so much better than I am. It's like I am wondering where I am going wrong? Though, I have to say, I have the most incredible child ever. He is wonderful. Happy as a clam the majority of time. Mr. Learning is a massive help. We are a great team and we are working together. I am so thankful for that. Bah...enough of the poor me, but this is where I am at today. Mindful of where I am currently and hopeful that sleep will not continue to evade me. The world is better for me when I have some REM sleep :)

Swinger: Nothing too much going on this past month at all. We've stepped back and pulled the profile again to reflect that we are not open to meeting others. We were supposed to meet Mr. Ray (the ones we met at Cherry Lane Nudist Resort) while we were visiting Mr. Learning's sister but after a 2 hour sleep night, we had to cancel. I was really disappointed because I enjoyed Mr. Ray greatly and I was curious to see if the chemistry was still there. We have a raincheck for a beer so hopefully we can cash in on that in the coming months. I wish we had some local clubs that we could hit instead of parties but the only one we have near to us is where swingers go to die, so that is out. In the Detroit area, there are a few clubs so I'm curious about those but we would have to arrange child care with Mr. Learnings sister so that is out for a while. Which is good because we are no where near being swingworthy people right now. Got to get that groove back on.

We spent the night at the regulars. It was great to see them as usual. They are good people and their friendship is worth their weight in gold. It's so nice to have such amazing people in our life from swinging. There are good people out there. You just need to find them so folks, don't give up!

Thanks for listening and I promise not to stay away like this. It makes me sad because I miss some of you. Great days are coming our way which will only make our future better.