Monday, August 1, 2011
I struggled last week, bad, real bad. It must have been a massive funk or baby blues but I can say, I have a new found understanding what depression feels like and it freaking sucks. I was low...Saturday was the worst. I was at an amusement park, surrounded by a ton of people, I was supposed to be having fun, and all I felt was despair and emptiness. I had awful thoughts, pure awful. It freaked me out. I knew it had to stop and that I wasn’t setting myself up for success. I failed to exercise last month, my eating went from balanced to unbalanced, sleep was horrible, I failed to take my vitamins, and I failed to use my skills that I have. I talked to Mr. Learning. I told him I needed some uninterrupted sleep, some positive encouragement, and we need to put the lifestyle on hold until I get my head clear. My head was so foggy from the night before. I need to work on myself with self esteem, I need to become the new me before we hit the lifestyle again. The talk with the regulars really spurred me into a tizzy. Not in a bad way but in a way that points out that we need some direction with everything. We’re spinning around looking for some direction...but hopefully in a good direction...on on-track direction.