Saturday, July 30, 2011

I’m struggling folks...I am. I’m so very tired of this negative self talk that I have been giving myself swinger wise. I want to leave all this shit I have been saying to myself in July so I can proceed to a happy August. It’s been a hard month for me both vanilla and swinger wise. I knew it was going to be difficult but I feel so unbalanced right now swinger wise. In the vanilla world I am good, no great at what I do. I find myself cute, full of positive energy, etc. but lately I’m feeling drained because I have this gapping whole in myself that I can’t plug up. It’s not about the weight but it’s about being comfortable in my own skin again when it comes to swinging? Can I look at ourselves as we have something to offer other couples?

Last night the regulars were over and I was flat out with them on how I think we (Mr. Learning and I) are not fuck worthy, how we are boring, how I think that they are slumming because we are not good enough. Boo! WTF am I doing? Who would want to fuck us if I’m pulling this shit?

I need to stop and I want to do it now. This has got to change because I am exhausted by hearing my negative swinger thoughts in my head.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there, Mrs. Learning. We all have crappy days/weeks/months/years. I also totally understand having a bad self-esteem.

    From the little that I have gotten to know you, I can say that you are far from boring, and I would be honored to hang out with you and Mr. Learning.

    You will get your mojo back, and you will find where you are comfortable again. You just keep on being you, becuase I think that it's a pretty great person to be!