I’m struggling folks...I am. I’m so very tired of this negative self talk that I have been giving myself swinger wise. I want to leave all this shit I have been saying to myself in July so I can proceed to a happy August. It’s been a hard month for me both vanilla and swinger wise. I knew it was going to be difficult but I feel so unbalanced right now swinger wise. In the vanilla world I am good, no great at what I do. I find myself cute, full of positive energy, etc. but lately I’m feeling drained because I have this gapping whole in myself that I can’t plug up. It’s not about the weight but it’s about being comfortable in my own skin again when it comes to swinging? Can I look at ourselves as we have something to offer other couples?

Last night the regulars were over and I was flat out with them on how I think we (Mr. Learning and I) are not fuck worthy, how we are boring, how I think that they are slumming because we are not good enough. Boo! WTF am I doing? Who would want to fuck us if I’m pulling this shit?

I need to stop and I want to do it now. This has got to change because I am exhausted by hearing my negative swinger thoughts in my head.