Vanilla: I have been meaning to write but life has been escaping me lately. Which can be a good thing. My pacing has been no stop for about a year now. Lately, I've decided to slow it down some and make some simple changes of what I can control and what I cannot. I think the largest area that I let go is myself. I was in such a rush last year to get my body back that when it was not going that way, I gave up on myself. I started getting into this cycling of eating crappy food which lead to me feeling like crap, which led into other feelings. The other issue laying heavily on my mind is the whole job situation of my husband. I was doing everything I could to make the situation better for him. I realized lately that he is the key, not me.
I have been doing a better job at controlling myself. I'm eating better again and it feels great. It feels healthy and I love that. I also let the job search go. If the other opportunity does not present itself then my husband will have to make some changes. I will support him in any manner but he needs to step up now and give me some direction.
I am also letting go of the old me and trying to integrate the new me into someone I can recognize. Becoming a new mom at 35 can be a bit of a struggle and challenge. I am recognizing that I can't do it all nor would I want to. I am also learning who I want to become. This stage in motherhood is wonderful. I love what my son is blooming into. He's a feisty little monkey with a personality. He's very determined and I can tell he is strong headed like mom. This is getting fun and the worrying about being a good parent is subsiding.
Swinger: I will be a better swinger in the future after I start attending to my vanilla issues. I need to really start attending to my sexual self somewhat. I have been neglectful :(