Enough of the scrambling...

Vanilla and Swinger: One thing I can take stock in is that my overall vanilla confidence in my skills and abilities is top notch at this time. I'm good at what I do, really good.  People like me, they like my confidence, and I am so good, I can talk people into buying into what I have to offer usually with no difficulties.  The ones that can't buy into me are usually the ones trying to hid things from me yet, I know it, can feel it, and it frustrates me.  I recently took a meyers briggs personality profile test of myself and I am such an INFJ it's not even funny.  That is me to a tee.  I usually have such killer instincts that it's not even funny.  That's where it gives me trouble in the swinger environment.  I have such a high level of darn intuition, I can peg people pretty damn good.  I can tell if there is strife, if the couple is up to no good, or some other strange situation.  It's happened every time that a couple is not suited for us. Though listening to the gut has often been difficult.  The one thing about this process that I have learned is that I always chalked up my anxiety for being scared but really, I am now wondering if it's not the anxiety but it's purely the instincts kicking in telling me to have us run.  So needless to say, no more questioning it, it is what it is.

We have been able to spend some time with our swinger friends lately.  I am always truly amazed and in awe of how both couples do things right.  They have it down to a science with swinging.  Swinging is kind of a science.  Their balance in the lifestyle is amazing.  They are amazing people, super parents, and amazing partners.  Their views on swinging is kind of different though.  One couple is more relationship swingers where they enjoy building a friendship with others.  The other couple is go with the flow, it's all about fun and experience.  I can only hope that if we get back into the swing of things, we can find our flow.

Vanilla: I am so shut down emotionally lately that I have blinders on.  I can just see what is in front of me right now.  Big picture stuff has been out of the picture for a while.  The past week was tough but I have a plan now.  Huge plans.  I have a PLAN A and a PLAN B.  Both scenarios are win win.  I'm ready to take my life back and kick it into high gear.  Enough scrambling...