Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I am not digging myself lately...

Vanilla: Or better off being said, I am not liking the person who I am turning into.  I feel like my life has been on this roller coaster lately full of high's and low's.  Lately, more low's than high but I honestly feel like I have been sinking slowly into a person I don't necessarily dig.  It's hard being this new mom who is supposed to be full of confidence, energy, and spunk.  Lately, I've been somewhat scared, lack of energy, and just generally dragging.  I want more out of my day.  I want to have that burst of energy again and that zest.  I'm tired of floating.  Maybe this is my rock bottom but I want things to change.

I have good intentions, really I do.  I tell myself I am going to "start the gym next week", or "I am going to log my points tomorrow", or "I will not worry anymore".  The frank reality, is that I haven't started the gym again, I haven't logged my points, and I am worrying about everything :( It's this endless hamster wheel.

I know my lack of doing better is tied into my emotions completely.  I stress eat, I avoid, and I embrace denial...(yes, I may want to look into the mirror and not acknowledge that my muffin tops are there but really, who am I kidding, they are).  Yesterday, I went to a meeting unprepared but luckily a coworker saved myself.  I ran the meeting and was a tad scattered.  Got a text in the meeting that baby learning may have foot and mouth so we have to take him in to the doctor then meet my husband at the doctor to find out that he has an unknown fever.  Then I stop at Sonic, grab a huge drink, burger, and some chili cheese tots. This is not me.  The old me would have never gone into a meeting so unprepared or stuffed my body with foods because I am not doing well with emotions.  It's got to stop.

I am writing this as more of a confession of what I have been doing.  As today is a new day and I have goals to accomplish.  I'm tired of avoiding what I need to do.  It's about time I figure things out because if I continue on the route I am on, I am so not going to like that person at all.  She is not reflective of who I want to be.  So here I go....

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Full moon weeks tick me off :(

Vanilla: I believe there is a direct correlation between the full moon and people's behavior.  Really, there must be because it was a strange week this week.  I'll start off with the challenging.  Work.  Yup, not fun with dealing with outside companies who are supposed to be on your side yet their ego's get into the way.  They don't get that we all are working for a common goal.  They think their way is the only way.  Unfortunately, their way is full of gaps and when they eventually get caught with their pants down, well, lets just say I don't want to be a part of it so I spoke my mind.  Nicely of course and was very professional but now my boss has to have a meeting next week because of what happened.  I pray that she has my back.  If she doesn't, it's sad because I am right on this.  I offered to meet with the people who complained but instead of addressing it with me, they are going straight to the boss.  Fuckers.  So I feel I have no recourse but in the end, I guess karma will come to bite them in the ass.  So that's the shitty thing that went on with me this week.  I am really good, I mean really good, at what I do.  I know my job, I know it well and when people question my ethics, I get really pissed off.

The good: I think I gave a good interview.  It lasted about 2 hours.  It was an interactive interview where I was asking the president of the company questions and she was asking met questions.  I like what they are doing.  I really think that they are a respectable firm making change in people's lives  I loved her energy, attitude, and style.  She told me at the end that if I am a match, she will bring me in to meet the team because there is some anxiety about getting a new manager because they are all seasoned staff.  I told her that I am very open to it since if we all do not jive with each other, I would want to know because I expect some harmony within the unit and if not, I will respectfully decline to join the team.  I will keep you posted if I get a 3 interview.

Swinger: Humm, as usual, nothing but hey, that's okay.  We've seen the regulars so they keep us on the up to date drama in the community.  There's always a bunch so I'm glad we are out of that aspect.  Though, I totally miss the social aspect.  There's a big party for Mardi Gras and they asked if we wanted to go but we declined.  Since we have no childcare and are not big fans of leaving our child alone with a sitter yet, we will not go.  It's nice to hear their excitement about meeting couples and hitting it off. friend Josh @ The journal to a sexually open marriage had a full swap last night.  I am so excited for them as Josh has met my doppelganger (minus the evil) and fucked the shit out of her last night.    And of course, my friend Hubman has been able to have two full swaps recently.  You guys rock.  I'll spend tonight catching up with my other blog friends but you guys rock and of course give me inspiration that one day too, we will swing again.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Now that was quick...

Vanilla:  I got a call for an interview!  That was quick.  HR left me a message and I called them back but got a voicemail.  Woot Woot! I'm rusty on my interviewing skills.  It's been close to 12 years since I have had to interview so if anyone has any pointers send them my way.

Swinger: Nothing like getting dirty texts from's always a pick me up.  Mr. Regular sent us some nice pics out of the blue so those are always welcomed.  Life is good!!!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy 2012 to you!

Vanilla life: 2 killer resumes are out so wish me luck.  It would be nice to hear back on one because it would entail working at a university.  I'm totally what they are looking for so lets see if they bite on my resume.  The other of course is a supervisor role so I'm also semi-qualified for that.  I'll keep you posted on my progress because I'm open to change.   It just started on the trip home at Christmas.  I know my priorities now, I want more time with my family and for myself.  In the long run, I would have to make this decision anyways so way not make it know when Mr. Learning's company will pay for it?

The holidays flew past.  It didn't feel like Christmas.  Maybe it was just our general tiredness or just being 1st time parents but we both have been in this fog and we are ready to bust out of it. So we are gearing up for making some choices in the nutrition department. Hubman had a really good video on 23.5 hours.  If you have the time, check it out because it's all about the importance of exercise. Mr. Learning got his bike ready in the basement to do some indoor biking at night and I'm gearing back to go to the gym.  It's been a long time and I need to do it in the morning.  Evenings don't work because I want to be home and I see friends there that want to chat.  I don't want to be rude but when I go to the gym, I want to work out and come home.  I'm a serious workout person so I'm in my own zone.  We also bought one of those vitamix machines at Costco this weekend.  I am one of those people who never gets enough vegetables or fruits within my diet.  I've ate more vegetables & fruits in the past few days than I have in two weeks.  Though, of course within moderation.  I've also been able to track all my points today.  This is something that I have not been able to do in a long time because I've been lazy, not accountable, and purely unmotivated in my life.  Essentially, I've been hiding and I'm sick of it.  I want to come out and play...and be my improved new self because I like myself better now.  The weight kept me safe for a while because I've been overwhelmed with all of the change.  Now it's about embracing and taking a leap of faith in myself again.

Swinger: A trend I have been noticing lately in my area.  WTF is up with people who swing as a couple but they are not married together, and their spouses don't know?  I just don't get this.  There's been about 3 new profiles on the site noting this.  I just don't get this.  It just screams drama.

I came across one blog before noting that the people were not going to be policing this but if they knew ahead of time, they would not engage in swinging with the people.  I guess if I was at a club, I would assume they would be together.  I normally would not ask this nor would Mr. Learning so I would just assume they were together.  If we did find out during conversation that they were not a couple, I would say "thanks but no thanks".