Vanilla: Or better off being said, I am not liking the person who I am turning into. I feel like my life has been on this roller coaster lately full of high's and low's. Lately, more low's than high but I honestly feel like I have been sinking slowly into a person I don't necessarily dig. It's hard being this new mom who is supposed to be full of confidence, energy, and spunk. Lately, I've been somewhat scared, lack of energy, and just generally dragging. I want more out of my day. I want to have that burst of energy again and that zest. I'm tired of floating. Maybe this is my rock bottom but I want things to change.
I have good intentions, really I do. I tell myself I am going to "start the gym next week", or "I am going to log my points tomorrow", or "I will not worry anymore". The frank reality, is that I haven't started the gym again, I haven't logged my points, and I am worrying about everything :( It's this endless hamster wheel.
I know my lack of doing better is tied into my emotions completely. I stress eat, I avoid, and I embrace denial...(yes, I may want to look into the mirror and not acknowledge that my muffin tops are there but really, who am I kidding, they are). Yesterday, I went to a meeting unprepared but luckily a coworker saved myself. I ran the meeting and was a tad scattered. Got a text in the meeting that baby learning may have foot and mouth so we have to take him in to the doctor then meet my husband at the doctor to find out that he has an unknown fever. Then I stop at Sonic, grab a huge drink, burger, and some chili cheese tots. This is not me. The old me would have never gone into a meeting so unprepared or stuffed my body with foods because I am not doing well with emotions. It's got to stop.
I am writing this as more of a confession of what I have been doing. As today is a new day and I have goals to accomplish. I'm tired of avoiding what I need to do. It's about time I figure things out because if I continue on the route I am on, I am so not going to like that person at all. She is not reflective of who I want to be. So here I go....
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Take a step back and breathe. You are still a new mom, one whose work life is in a place of transition, whose home life is seemingly going great. You have a lot that allow yourself to fret over, but at the same time you should celebrate the things you are doing well too.
ReplyDeleteTalk to BB, she's been through and is going through a lot of what you describe above. I don't want to see you get stuck in the rut, ya'know!
Josh
Mrs Learning,
ReplyDeleteI feel for you. Nothing is worse than being a normally confident person who had had their confidence shaken.
As far as parenting goes, you know you are a good parent, you are just beating yourself up over a bunch of stuff, so you might as well include that :)
As far as fitness goes, I found this link/challenge and it has helped motivate me: http://www.primermagazine.com/2010/train/100-days-of-fitness-an-introduction. He does not waste time telling you stuff you already know, he just tells you to get at it and shows how you can fit it into your day. BTW, kids are great weights. Combine kissing your child with a bench press. I still "curl" my kids and they love it.
As for work, the other two tie heavily into it. And here is a tip from a guy who has spent too many years as a commander or staffer - you are allowed to have bad days. You have seen others have bad days and either let it slide, helped them out or just waited until they had their shit together to approach them. Others will do it for you too.
I am learning to take all of my angst, anger and frustration and channel it into a workout. Currently, that workout is after a calming burger and fries, but eventually it will replace the burger and fries.
Until then, love your curves and so many of us men already do :)
TTFN
Mr. No Name
Mrs learning I think we all look in the mirror and don't always like what we see. I know for me that moment was sometime last year. I finally did start going to the gym and yes logging my points. Do I slip? Of course I do do I still have a belly? Yes. I know I still have work to do and I know I need to get back to the gym.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are feeling better and that you like yourself a little more. Remember we alll have those bad days and times