Sunday, March 25, 2012

Enough of the scrambling...

Vanilla and Swinger: One thing I can take stock in is that my overall vanilla confidence in my skills and abilities is top notch at this time. I'm good at what I do, really good.  People like me, they like my confidence, and I am so good, I can talk people into buying into what I have to offer usually with no difficulties.  The ones that can't buy into me are usually the ones trying to hid things from me yet, I know it, can feel it, and it frustrates me.  I recently took a meyers briggs personality profile test of myself and I am such an INFJ it's not even funny.  That is me to a tee.  I usually have such killer instincts that it's not even funny.  That's where it gives me trouble in the swinger environment.  I have such a high level of darn intuition, I can peg people pretty damn good.  I can tell if there is strife, if the couple is up to no good, or some other strange situation.  It's happened every time that a couple is not suited for us. Though listening to the gut has often been difficult.  The one thing about this process that I have learned is that I always chalked up my anxiety for being scared but really, I am now wondering if it's not the anxiety but it's purely the instincts kicking in telling me to have us run.  So needless to say, no more questioning it, it is what it is.

We have been able to spend some time with our swinger friends lately.  I am always truly amazed and in awe of how both couples do things right.  They have it down to a science with swinging.  Swinging is kind of a science.  Their balance in the lifestyle is amazing.  They are amazing people, super parents, and amazing partners.  Their views on swinging is kind of different though.  One couple is more relationship swingers where they enjoy building a friendship with others.  The other couple is go with the flow, it's all about fun and experience.  I can only hope that if we get back into the swing of things, we can find our flow.

Vanilla: I am so shut down emotionally lately that I have blinders on.  I can just see what is in front of me right now.  Big picture stuff has been out of the picture for a while.  The past week was tough but I have a plan now.  Huge plans.  I have a PLAN A and a PLAN B.  Both scenarios are win win.  I'm ready to take my life back and kick it into high gear.  Enough scrambling...

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Always go with your gut!

Vanilla: I don't think I have ever experienced a week like this week in my whole entire life.  All I can say us at the end of the week, it all worked out.  I knew I had some anxiety about this new job.  I thought it was just the 22% cut in pay, the added responsibilities but in the end it was my gut telling me to run from this place.  I had already given notice to work.  Luckily, I have been communicating the whole time with my boss what was going on.  Needless to say, the new job is a clusterfuck and I am not going to be a part of it. My work place knows what is going on.  They know I have one more interview at an amazing place.  If that is not a go, it's on Mr. Learning.  What a week though.  Stupid fucktards at new company were willing to throw me to the lions.  Life is better though.  The universe looked out for me and it pays to be an amazing employee. 

Sunday, March 18, 2012

And so it begins...

Vanilla: The massive decluttering is occurring in the Learning household.  We are getting the knick knacks packed up.  My living room is not completely down and there is no evidence of any emotional attachment is in the room.  Everything is out besides a lamp, clock, two small vases, and the bose radio.  Mr. Learning did some wainscoting for the entry today and it looks sharp and he repainted the trim in the entrance way.  We were busy!  Our goal is to get the house set up to sell on June 1st so we will see if this can happen.  I called my sister to get some help so they are going to come in one weekend and she will care for baby learning while my brother in law helps with the basement.  Our basement is a major cluster fuck and I am not ready to tackle that yet.  We figure we are going to attack the main floor, then move upstairs, attic, and then down.  I'm trying to convince Mr. Learning that we need a dumpster but he is not buying it.  He is convinced that we can put everything in the hirby kirby during the next six weeks.  Humm...he's being cheap.

I gave formal notice on Thursday.  References were checked and they came back amazing. I had my drug test on Friday so it's real now.  I get to meet some of my new coworkers next week because they want me to meet the team, which I think is kind of odd but the past worker left on a sour note and there's a lot of anxiety of me coming in.  I will win them with my smile.  The one awesome thing that swinging has done for me is to go in confident even though I am terrified on the inside.  Thank you swinging.

We also have to gear up and find a new daycare.  I am sad about this because I love baby learnings daycare.  They are terrific and amazing people.  I have a few places that were recommended so we will check them out.  I know another good place is out there for him.

Originally, we were going to live in Mr. Learnings parents home while they were in Florida.  Then we would live there Mon-Thursday when they got back but they did a massive no-no this week which pissed Mr. Learning off.  They told his sister that we were moving to the area.  Mr. Learning wanted to tell her but when he found out that his brother in law was just dx with colon cancer, he decided to wait.  Then he found out that mother in law told so needless to say, she has poor boundaries so we will not be living with them.  Which makes me feel better because I don't need a hovering mother in law right now.

I am getting excited about our new life.  I can't imagine having two more hours a day.  It doesn't even seem real that it is happening.  We started to look at houses and we are not too sure on what we are going to do.  We have a home right now that has a ton of character so we thing we are going to go with a new build because we don't want to compare this hours to the new home.  I would have some trouble getting over that.  So it's better off having a new start.

Swinger: Our friends had a blast at hedo.  They loved it and connected with a ton of people.  That is awesome for that.  They noted that they would do it in a heart beat again.  It sounded like they really connected with one couple so good for them.  Though, they noted that they are now ready to put the lifestyle on the back burner for a bit because it was some major fun but they are burnt out.  That is something that I never would expect to hear from them.   Sometimes it's not good to have too much of a good thing.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

I feel like I am breaking up with someone who I am still passionate about...

Vanilla: The job is mine.  I got a verbal offer from the new company pending reference checks and a clear drug screen, it will be formally mine.

Funny thing is that I got a call noting that I was the 2nd candidate for the position but they had to go with the other individual because she had direct experience compared to myself.  I was okay with that and noted to the HR person "No problem at all.  You all need to do what is best for yourself and the company but keep me in mind if anything comes up....blah...blah...blah..."  Two days later, I get a call with the offer.  The other candidate withdrew due to health issues.  I told her that I would get back with her on Friday.  Then I cried....for two days.

I love my job.  I love my family more though.  With my husband's company closing and relocating the drive with a child in our life would not work.  I am marketable and can hang my hat any where I want, he is but he isn't.  This is the best because we have family in the new city, friends, and Mr. Learning grew up there.  We learned this week we need our supports around us because we had an uber sick child and ended up in the ER with him.

But I still feel like I am breaking up with someone who I love dearly.  I am a pretty closed person and spending over 12 years with my current job makes be sad that I am leaving because those people know me (well, know me in the vanilla sense).  The new job is more intense, a higher level of responsibility, and it is out of my comfort zone but I know I will rock because I am cool like that :)

I am still sad...but happy because in six months, life is going to be better.  The next six months are going to be non stop getting the house prepared to sell, find a new home, and move.  But we will get through it. So maybe life will be easier? I hope so.  The last year and a half has been nothing but limbo and now we have a plan.

I am a girl who always needs a plan.  Planning is good!

Swinger: Funny, I had to defend a poly family this week.  A close coworker encountered one and she was so disgusted.  "How can he be a good dad when he can screw another woman other than his wife".  I explained to her how that in the long run, it's not up to us to judge that.  As long as the spouse is okay with it, then that is all that matters.  I had a few looks but I also had some support.  Man, she would die if she ever found out what I used to be up to....