I hate reading into things...

Vanilla stuff: I got a message from my sister on facebook this morning to call her when I get the chance. This is usually not a good sign because that isn't her style to really call me or make too much contact with me. She hates talking on the phone so our conversations usually last about 8 minutes. When she asks me to call, it is usually serious. I gave her a call and she noted that she is worried about our dad. He is 76 right now and has generally been in great health. He did have a bout with prostate cancer but he beat it. We had no idea he was fighting the cancer until he was halfway through treatment. His doctor urged him to tell us and luckily he listened. My parents are very private individuals and don't really share. In the past 6 months, my sister and I have been noticing little things like he is not allowed to drive anymore, he's speech is sometimes stammering, has trouble with coming up with names, words, he has had a slight shake with his hands for about 4 years, my mom is filling in the gaps, and the erratic behavior where he has been agitated a lot, and my parents have been fighting. He refers to my child as baby and their new dog as doggie. My sister noted that he called her and he was just struggling. She was worried and doesn't know what we should do. Do we ask the question is something going on? My dad has always struggled with names. He calls me my sisters name and vice versa. He knows what day it is, what year, who is the president so he is orientated x3 but it's the little things. I was concerned so I got him on the phone and he noted that he stayed home from cards today. He did have a ton of umms and ahs. He also could not tell me what 75% of 10,000 is. He was a math wiz. Numbers have never escaped him. I don't know what to do and this sucks. Maybe it could be nothing but I think there is something there and we want to convey it's okay to let us know. We need to support my mom and dad if there is something going on. They don't need to be alone.

Swinger stuff: Okay the meet and greet was interesting. The cool thing about it was that two of our favorite couples were there. We got to introduce them to each other and they both chatted it up. On the downside, I have to confess that we did not talk to no one new. There is several things that I get put off about the lifestyle. I detest the heavy drinking. It's okay to have a few drinks but the amount of alcohol that flows can floor you. I detest that some swingers are inappropriate. For instance, dear creepy man, do not grab the ass of the vanilla waitress. You give us swingers a bad name. She was vanilla because I asked if that bugged her when creepy guys grab her butt and she noted that it did. She told him to keep his hands off. I am also saddened by the lack of just regular people at these things. Okay, we are a nice middle class couple. The majority of these people were looking like the bad Walmart pictures that float around the net. It's like you should go to these things as if you are dressed to impress. I saw Velcro shoes and clothing that was tattered and torn. Everyone can afford to hit up Goodwill for a cute outfit. I know I do :) So it was good to get out, socialize with our friends, but did we meet any new people....no. I know there are some normal people out there....I just know there is. Finding them is the tough thing!

I avoided public speaking in college for...

I came across this tonight. Totally forgot about this until now but in undergrad, I avoided 3 classes until my last semester. Chemistry, English Writing, and Public Speaking. Instead of taking the typical speech class, I took a drama class. I figured it would be easier, which it was. I had to recite this poem by E.E. Cummings and act it out. When I went to act it out, it was kind of cute when I got to the electric fur part...tehehe....I was so vanilla back then...but I really am pretty vanilla now. Enjoy!


i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh … And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

—e.e. cummings

Today went from being a crappy day to a...

I hate crappy work days. I have a group of women who are out to get me, I think. They are totally talking crap about me behind my back. They are on a different unit than myself. The thing is that I have a very strong personality. I am really passionate about what I do and it shows. I hate laziness and people dropping the ball. I don't put up with the bull crap either. These women drop all the time. A month or two ago, they dropped the ball so bad that it could have been disastrous. I called them out, let my boss know, and they had some meetings. I thought things were solved until this one individual keeps on complaining about me to others. The others are my friends so they let me know. Finally today, I heard she was gunning for me this morning. She was complaining that I was setting things so I would not be there. Funny thing is that I am not in charge of that. Then they started to discuss how I never work late because I have to pick up my son. I don't even pick up my son, 90% of the time so that is not their business. I thought, enough is enough. I told my boss that if she doesn't do something about this "gossip" I'm going to blow and because this is ridiculous because I am doing my job. I was in a mood. I hate that feeling that there's a target on my back. Hopefully, things will get addressed but I so wanted to go up to the woman and go "knock it off". Then of course that would be creating a hostile work environment, right? Luckily, I can home, got a hug from my hubby, and life got better.

The upswing of my day was thatVeronica's blog is back! Yippy! Missed her greatly and longed for her posts. Then a huge thank you toWalk and Rollwho stopped by to say "hi" and I am hooked. Woot Woot! It's making my little online community larger. What I loved about Walkand Roll is that they have uploaded video onto their site to discuss their experience at a club in one post. I loved watching their interaction with each other, so positive. This is what the lifestyle is all about. There's some great people out there :)

Okay, can I say that I'm totally...

Okay, I'm totally excited to hit the meet and greet this weekend. I just can't wait to dress up in my dress that came and it's stunning. It's very figure flattering on me. Plus I think I have a new favorite clothes store. It's nice to see that the models are real women who have curves and amazing looking breasts.

I go into every party with a goal in mind for myself and what I want to strengthen. I would really like to work on my social skills. My goal is to chat with as many people as possible and just be open. John, you gave me some good advice a month ago, I'm going to focus on the person I am speaking to. Find out about them and let the other people be the center of the conversation and occasionally weave bits about myself and Mr. Learning in. Sometimes this is my biggest fault in chatting with others is that I will engage but maybe not have the other person be the central character. It can only go well. Feel free to give me any other tips because I'm open.

Life is going well. We are entering our hibernation mode here. The leaves are turning, the fall is here, and winter is coming. In the winter we travel less and hang close to home. I have to tell you that it feels wonderful to spend so much time at home. Since going into "hibernation" I'm really appreciating it. I love my house and just sitting back and chilling out. It's an amazing feeling. This weekend we did some home projects,played with baby Learning a ton, had family visit, and the regulars popped in for a visit. Love it! As for the relocation, we still are on the fence. It's a hard decision but we are talking about many possibilities and they are all good. We just need to see where things end up on Mr. Learnings end.

I think the best thing is that I feel normal again. It's like "Hello Mrs. Learning, nice to have you back". It's nice to find the old yet improved me. I'm just living in the moment right now and I hope it continues.

I've honestly been trying to post over a week now but I honestly did not know what to say except that I've been doing well, very well. My self esteem is getting better, which awesome. I am getting to my normal. I have to admit that I did try the anti-deppressant for a few weeks but after some wacky side effects, I decided against it. Looking back, I don't think I was too depressed but I was extremely overtired. We were not sleeping a bit, which was not good. Baby learning is back on track and sleeping as sound as sound as could be.

As for swinging. It is always going to be there. We are going to a meet and greet event next weekend. We are going to be our friends "wingmen" because they have been dying to check out the venue. We'll see how it goes. I'm dressing up and I can't wait. Here's the cool outfit that I'm going to wear...so excited to just dress up.

Lots of stuff is swirling in my head this week. Mr. Learning found out that his office is officially closing in one year and two months. We are being offered a relocation package to his new office which is an hour away. We have a couple of choices, one is to take the package, two is to do the commute, three is for him to take the job and me to give up my job. The cons, is that I love my job, get paid very well in my field, and I am comfortable. The pro is that we offer my son the gift of our time. Don't know what to do but yet I do. Scared, hate change, but sometimes risks are worth taking, aren't they?