Sunday, April 24, 2011

I love my family :) I'm blessed with an amazing husband, a beautiful son, amazing parents, and supportive in laws. How did I get so lucky? I have no idea but it's nice to be surrounded by loving, supportive individuals. I'm counting my blessings.

Bow chic a wow wow....Mr. Learning & I got it on last night and it was nice. After some lube (thanks Veronica), relaxing, and me in top we were able to go through with it finally. He had no issues with cumming at all with using a condom but I had some trouble...that and listening to the darn baby monitor. Next time we are going to have to shut that thing off because I had trouble getting into the zone. My mind was just bouncing bouncing bouncing! Not good :( but I still had fun.

I'm feeling better about myself. Getting fitting clothing does help a ton. I think I'm going to glam up a bit. Maybe accessorize some more...I maybe chunky right now but I'm still cute. So I might as well put my best foot forward and work with what I got and I hate being miserable and having major body issues. It will just take some time :) and I do have time.

Friday, April 22, 2011

First family trip is next week. First on Friday is a vanilla night with the regulars and Saturday is Chicago. Yikes!!! We are both apprehensive about the upcoming travels as we have never travelled with a newborn before. We tried bailing on the regulars but then I got an email from Mr. Regular noting "if you don't want to hang out with us anymore just say so". I know he was joking (well I think he was) so I called and talked to them both. They noted "you can't stop living. Get your butt down here next week. You guys are making this a huge deal. Just pack what you need. If you forget something go to the store". Okay, we'll see how it goes. It's hard because family and vanilla friends stress to us that "you guys need to slow down" while the regulars who like us are busy stress "keep moving...mold him into your life". I guess too, it's just that we don't want to inconvenience anyone. Who wants a screaming newborn around? I know we didn't before baby learning but maybe that's different since we are parents now. I was also relieved to find out that the Chemistry's are not coming into town.

Got my transition clothes yesterday. After buying $250 of clothes from Old Navy online...I'm only keeping $30 worth. What I ordered fit but it just didn't flatter my body. My body shape is a pear, which is kind of hard to shop for. Luckily, I was able to find some clothing at the local resale shops. I found 6 full outfits for $ it. I settled on keeping 2 different styles of this dress. It flatters my body type so maybe this summer I will be sporting more dresses. I'm trying to feel sexy again and dressing up helps so I will do anything. It's almost that fake it till I make it :) I'll get it back, it will just take me some time. WW scale was naked in the morning on my scale 205. I love my scale :)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I had my 6 week postpartum checkup.  I'm in the clear!  So I'm excited, I'm all thinking that I was going to get some last finally giving up :( Mr. Learning was pre-occupied with work.  Bah! He apologized but I was so bummed out.  He absolutely hates his job, loves the company but hates the people he deals with.  He's too analytical for his job.  Poor Mr. Learning has never had a career that he is passionate about.  Thus, he is always miserable with his work life, which impacts us because his mood can be preoccupied.  I joked this morning that he needs a Monday-Friday antidepressant so he can make it through the week.  I on the otherhand, love what I do.  I'm good at it :) I know how to leave work at work and believe me, I have a job that is prone to come home with you.  Luckily, I've learned great skills to keep it separate.  Now only if Mr. Learning could do that. So here's to sex wishes...because using my viberator every night is not as good as Mr. Learning.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Mrs. Regular came up for lunch and we talked about what was going on with them swinging wise.  I was put in a semi bad position yesterday.  If I had a crystal ball, I should have known this was coming.  What do you do when you know too much? Do you spill the beans and blab everything? Or do you keep your mouth shut? Do you provide insight or keep quiet? I would like to hope that I provided inight, consoled, and kept my mouth shut about what I knew.  It's a spot that I don't want to be in again.  They have to make sure they do what's right for them.  I congratulated her on the communication she has with her hubby and how much they have grown as a swinging couple.  They have expanded their horizons, found a sexy couple, and also identified potential flags for them. Most people would have ignored the signs, kept their months shut, but communication with them is key.  Impressive...which lead me to again think that swinging can be complex.  There are so many different dynamics that come into play when swinging.  It's not for the faint of heart. When emotions start getting tugged in different ways, it gets complicated.  The complications can be vast and lead to seeds of doubt.  So I guess you can say "when in not swing!" because you can step back from the situation, get some insight, and decide then what to do. 

Baby learning is getting on schedule at night!  I'm so excited :) he's going about 3.5 hours between feedings and all I can say is that 3.5 hours between feedings is heaven.  Mr. Learning
takes the 10-1 shift and I'm on the 1-7 shift.  So far it's working and we both are getting more than 5 hours of sleep at night.  Not bad for a six week old, er?

Balancing vanilla life is now coming into play.  The next four weekends we are racing.  Two of those weekends we are staying overnight some where. I'm not looking forward to that yet.  One weekend we have to go to a birthday party for the godfather out of town and the other us where we are spending the night at our favorite resort hotel.  If things get bad, we can forgo the resort(our inlaws will take our place) but no getting out of the birthday party :( I'm not looking forward to that because I'm still semi pissed at the girlfriend of the godfather.  When baby learning was 2 weeks old, they came to stay the weekend and brought their sick kids.  Needless to say, baby learning got sick at 2 weeks old for 2 weeks and Mr. Learning got it too :( I haven't chatted with her since then.  I know I need to get over it but I still cannot get over her ignorance because she knew coming in the kids where sick.  On the first day she noted it was allergies, on tge second day she fessed up to having the kids go to the doctor two days prior to the stay.  Humm!!! I'm getting to be a protective mommy.      

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Bah!!! Today was a wake up call.  Ordering plus sizes from Old Navy was quite the wake up call. I bought enough clothes to get me through the week for a bit until the weight comes off.  It sucks but baby Learning was worth it. Another wake up call is my gaining at weight watchers tonight.  I'm up .4 and Mr. Learning is up 2 :( it just wasn't our week.  We socialized way too much this week.  Last Saturday, we had some if Mr. Learning's coworkers over and the brews were a flowing.  Then some friends stopped by and some more brews flowed.  Then yesterday I took baby learning to meet some girlfriends and the cosmo's were a flowing.  Yup, too much of a good thing can be bad.  I vow this week to track all my points, I swear.  

My six week check up is next week.  It's been over 4 months since we have had typical sex.  I just wasn't into having sex while pregnant because of the complications and my low self esteem.  The pregnancy really hit me hard because I felt do undesireable to myself and to Mr. Learning.  Mr. Learning has been getting a lot of oral/hand jobs and I take care of myself.  When it comes to me, it's sexual but I'm not doing it out of horniness but I'm doing it because it puts me into a deep sleep.  Anyways, I'm petrified to have sex again :( I am craving him but I'm sooooo scared.  I had some tearing so I have no clue how everything looks now, nor do I want too.  Usually, I would have been checking it out but I dint want to see the damage.  Maybe, I'll get brave and check things out...maybe not....eek!

I have 4 more weeks off :( I love my job but I'm so not looking forward to the challenging road ahead.  I have a long workday plus a ling commute, then I will get home and have to take care of everything so that's going to be exhausting.  Hopefully, I can manage it though I really don't have much of a choice.  I'll just enjoy my remaining days...then life happens.  Lots of changes going on.