Full moon weeks tick me off :(

Vanilla: I believe there is a direct correlation between the full moon and people's behavior.  Really, there must be because it was a strange week this week.  I'll start off with the challenging.  Work.  Yup, not fun with dealing with outside companies who are supposed to be on your side yet their ego's get into the way.  They don't get that we all are working for a common goal.  They think their way is the only way.  Unfortunately, their way is full of gaps and when they eventually get caught with their pants down, well, lets just say I don't want to be a part of it so I spoke my mind.  Nicely of course and was very professional but now my boss has to have a meeting next week because of what happened.  I pray that she has my back.  If she doesn't, it's sad because I am right on this.  I offered to meet with the people who complained but instead of addressing it with me, they are going straight to the boss.  Fuckers.  So I feel I have no recourse but in the end, I guess karma will come to bite them in the ass.  So that's the shitty thing that went on with me this week.  I am really good, I mean really good, at what I do.  I know my job, I know it well and when people question my ethics, I get really pissed off.

The good: I think I gave a good interview.  It lasted about 2 hours.  It was an interactive interview where I was asking the president of the company questions and she was asking met questions.  I like what they are doing.  I really think that they are a respectable firm making change in people's lives  I loved her energy, attitude, and style.  She told me at the end that if I am a match, she will bring me in to meet the team because there is some anxiety about getting a new manager because they are all seasoned staff.  I told her that I am very open to it since if we all do not jive with each other, I would want to know because I expect some harmony within the unit and if not, I will respectfully decline to join the team.  I will keep you posted if I get a 3 interview.

Swinger: Humm, as usual, nothing but hey, that's okay.  We've seen the regulars so they keep us on the up to date drama in the community.  There's always a bunch so I'm glad we are out of that aspect.  Though, I totally miss the social aspect.  There's a big party for Mardi Gras and they asked if we wanted to go but we declined.  Since we have no childcare and are not big fans of leaving our child alone with a sitter yet, we will not go.  It's nice to hear their excitement about meeting couples and hitting it off.

Humm...my friend Josh @ The journal to a sexually open marriage had a full swap last night.  I am so excited for them as Josh has met my doppelganger (minus the evil) and fucked the shit out of her last night.    And of course, my friend Hubman has been able to have two full swaps recently.  You guys rock.  I'll spend tonight catching up with my other blog friends but you guys rock and of course give me inspiration that one day too, we will swing again.

Now that was quick...

Vanilla:  I got a call for an interview!  That was quick.  HR left me a message and I called them back but got a voicemail.  Woot Woot! I'm rusty on my interviewing skills.  It's been close to 12 years since I have had to interview so if anyone has any pointers send them my way.



Swinger: Nothing like getting dirty texts from friends...it's always a pick me up.  Mr. Regular sent us some nice pics out of the blue so those are always welcomed.  Life is good!!!

Happy 2012 to you!

Vanilla life: 2 killer resumes are out so wish me luck.  It would be nice to hear back on one because it would entail working at a university.  I'm totally what they are looking for so lets see if they bite on my resume.  The other of course is a supervisor role so I'm also semi-qualified for that.  I'll keep you posted on my progress because I'm open to change.   It just started on the trip home at Christmas.  I know my priorities now, I want more time with my family and for myself.  In the long run, I would have to make this decision anyways so way not make it know when Mr. Learning's company will pay for it?

The holidays flew past.  It didn't feel like Christmas.  Maybe it was just our general tiredness or just being 1st time parents but we both have been in this fog and we are ready to bust out of it. So we are gearing up for making some choices in the nutrition department. Hubman had a really good video on 23.5 hours.  If you have the time, check it out because it's all about the importance of exercise. Mr. Learning got his bike ready in the basement to do some indoor biking at night and I'm gearing back to go to the gym.  It's been a long time and I need to do it in the morning.  Evenings don't work because I want to be home and I see friends there that want to chat.  I don't want to be rude but when I go to the gym, I want to work out and come home.  I'm a serious workout person so I'm in my own zone.  We also bought one of those vitamix machines at Costco this weekend.  I am one of those people who never gets enough vegetables or fruits within my diet.  I've ate more vegetables & fruits in the past few days than I have in two weeks.  Though, of course within moderation.  I've also been able to track all my points today.  This is something that I have not been able to do in a long time because I've been lazy, not accountable, and purely unmotivated in my life.  Essentially, I've been hiding and I'm sick of it.  I want to come out and play...and be my improved new self because I like myself better now.  The weight kept me safe for a while because I've been overwhelmed with all of the change.  Now it's about embracing and taking a leap of faith in myself again.

Swinger: A trend I have been noticing lately in my area.  WTF is up with people who swing as a couple but they are not married together, and their spouses don't know?  I just don't get this.  There's been about 3 new profiles on the site noting this.  I just don't get this.  It just screams drama.

I came across one blog before noting that the people were not going to be policing this but if they knew ahead of time, they would not engage in swinging with the people.  I guess if I was at a club, I would assume they would be together.  I normally would not ask this nor would Mr. Learning so I would just assume they were together.  If we did find out during conversation that they were not a couple, I would say "thanks but no thanks".

We're ready....

Vanilla: Life has had it's personal mini challenges lately.   It's not the current issues but it's the stuff on the horizons.  Stemming from my father's health issues, to Mr. Learnings job, is where I have been struggling.  Coming home last night and snuggling in bed, we have been discussing our future path.  Changes are coming and the can be well worth it and rewarding.  In reality, I have been quite stagnant.  I cannot control if my dad has Parkinson's or not but I can control how I live in the here in now with him.  I need to stop worrying about losing him for if that is my focus now, I've lost him.  I can't be resistant to change or I will never grow.  And growing is what makes someone beautiful, doesn't? Staying the same is boring.   Imagine if I never changed, where would I be? what risks would I have not have taken? Would I have ever dared to try to be a swinger? or would I have kept it safe and went with the norm.

I haven't made any stupid decisions in life so far.  I've tried to do everything that I wanted to in life with no regrets.  I've learned from my mistakes and kept on growing.  It feels like the past year and a half, I've played it safe.  I don't know if it was because we had baby learning but all of the sudden life got complicated and I yearn for security.  Yet, I also want change.  While snuggling in bed the other night, I started browsing the net for jobs in Mr. Learnings new area for his job.  There's a great leadership role in which I am very much qualified for.  Yes, I would have to take a pay cut but the title would be worth it.  Plus to take advantage of Mr. Learnings relocation program would be amazing.  I could work in a city that I would live in without the hour commute.  We would have family and friends near us.  Life could be better and less complicated.  I revamped my resume and it looks awesome.  Mr. Learnings dad came up and they helped me work on a killer cover letter.  Now I just have to mail it out.  Send me good vibes because this change could be positive.

Swinger: I'm excited to hear all the plans that you lucky folks have on New Years.  That is so awesome so I am vicariously living through you all.  Nothing is happening on the swinger front.  I'm still a chunky monkey with no drive to change right now.  I'm just so tired all the time.  Baby learning has at least 7 teeth popping up right now so I'm still in my laziness mode.  I want to start being healthier but I'm so not in the zone.  Just in the self preservation mode.  So keep it sexy for me :)

Ah, future worries are sucking me dry....

Vanilla: We celebrated Christmas with my family this weekend.  I love being with them because we are about the coming together, not just the presents. We have a nice meal, open gives, and chat. Of course the nephews were dying to open their gifts. At one point when my mom mentioned opening presents both of them dived bombed the bags to open one only to find out they were not supposed to created some laughs.

My sister and brother in law laid into me about the future.  There is no doubt that this coming year is going to be very challenging for me personally because we have to make some decisions about life.  We have the whole year to decide if we are going to take the relocation package or not.  I hate change with a passion.  The current struggle with the job has been tackling me with mild anxiety.  I know where my resistance comes from.  My father and mother were both blue collar.  My dad worked the line at an assembly company after choosing to get out of management at small shops.  My mom worked the line when I was younger and she transitioned to office based work in the early 80s.  I spent the majority of my childhood in the unemployment lines here in Michigan.  I remember grabbing a toy and chatting it up with the people in line.  Back then, there was no such thing as MARVIN (you call into the line noting that your were looking for work).  You simply had to stand in a line to talk to others.  My parents instilled in me that a job was a job and you don't leave a good job ever.  Especially in a bad economy.  I don't want to lose what I have.  Right now, I have an excellent job.  I love what I do, I love my supervisor, I love my co-workers, I love my company, and I love my benefits.  The cons are, I will never be a boss because my personality is too strong, I will not grow too much, I have a long ass commute, and I've hit the glass ceiling in pay. My husband on the other hand hates his job.  He loathes every inch of his job.  In fact, he has changed his career focus twice in life and it brings him no passion.  Though, he has the opportunity to go back to school with him in a field that better matches his personality.  The company will pay for him. He just needs to apply for school, yet there is no movement in that area.   I'm still on the fence with the whole relocation thing.  I can see where it would be nice to have 10 hours extra each week, a better house, and live in a better school district.  Though I am afraid about a $20K pay cut, relocating near my inlaws where they would probably be up our asses, and starting a new job where I have to prove myself again.

So I am struggling here.  I've been struggling with this unknown for a few months but that icky feeling is hitting me and we will have to deal with it soon.  Sucks.  That's what I am wrestling with.

Swinger: Humm....nothing to report :) It's the holidays and everyone is doing their thing.  We did get some hits on our profile but unfortunately, we have no time to hang out with anyone.  Maybe if it was spring but alias, the child care is going down to Florida with the rest of the snow birds.  Which means no date nights for a very long time.  That's unless we hook up with Mr. Learning's sister and allow her to take care of baby learning for the night.  Though, I am not a huge fan of winter travel here in Michigan.  So I think we are going to stay put and do nothing for a few months.

Swinging is hard with kids.  You all who are able to do it amaze me.  It seems like careful coordinating has to happen in order to get things done.  I have to admit, I am sad about not having any date nights with Mr. Learning.  Maybe we need to get creative and have date days :) humm....that is an idea.

Hello :)

Hang ups?

Vanilla: things are going okay.  It's a frenzy emotional time at work right now so I am trying to keep afloat.  Can't wait until my vacation.  I decides not to work the week between Christmas and New Years to repair my mental health.  Mr. Learning and I are also going to look at that time by gathering more information on becoming vegetarians for about 6 months.  He is struggling with borderline diabetes and hyperglycemia so I've been concerned.  He really hasn't made any changes in his diet lately nor have I so we need to plot a new course because Jenny Craig is awesome but we are not losing and paying a fortunate.  It's us, not them. They have a great solid program but we are not going anywhere weight wise due to our choices.  It needs to change.

I have been putting a lot of stress on myself with this whole job situation and Mr. Learning.  It's amazing how one can really stress out about the future.  Instead of staying frazzled, I'm going to see where life takes us.  We just need to start to get into saving mode.  If a move happens, it happens.  If it doesn't happen, it doesn't.

I was so stressed last week that it wasn't even funny.  Mr. Learning and I went out on a date Friday afternoon.  It was nice.  When I got home I told him "okay we are going to have some fun" and we did.  It was good to reconnect in a sexual sense. It's been a while where it was spur of the moment so it was amazing.

I guess the running theme I'm dealing with right now is just letting life happen.  I'm a control freak and worry wart so letting the "universe" take care of me can sometimes get rough but I feel so much better this week.  It's amazing.

Swinger: There's a new club in Ft. Wayne.  The regulars went there last weekend and it's top notch.  This would be an awesome goal to stride for in the new year to attend.  It probably wouldn't happen until June but it would be some motivation to get back to the gym.

Mr. Learning and I were chatting about swinging on Sunday.  We discussed what we missed and he couldn't come up with anything.  I guess this is good but in a way, it is bad.  I miss that connection we have with each other when we swing...watch him, the sounds, and feelings.  He noted that the only time he thought it was off the hook swinging was the "chair incident".  Beyond that, nothing.  Which made me kind of sad.  I started to think maybe I didn't do my job as his wife to make sure he had a good time, getting his needs met, or checking in with him.  He said sometimes swinging is better in fantasy than reality and it seems like some of the stuff we did was much better in fantasy.  Granted we didn't always have the best connections with others and hell, we put ourselves into some stupid positions at times with not communicating our limits to others.  He didn't really elaborate more why things are better in fantasy and that kind of bothered me.  I told him that but he is a man of few words at times.  I sometimes wonder if it is our personal hang ups on ourselves.  Does it boil down to both of our self esteem issues in the long run?  Maybe we could have had more fun instead of our hang ups getting the best out of us?  This is something we need to explore and address while we are out of the scene.  If we do hit the scene, I don't want our past mistakes continuing to haunt us.

In a way, I wished we had these awesome swinger memories but what really stands out is the awkwardness. Does it get any easier?