In one week we are going to a house party. We haven't been to one in over two years and it will be the first that our friends are hosting. We are not going to do anything anyways but I'm nervous to be in such a small environment with some swingers especially when I don't fit the mold. I started thinking today maybe we just need to skip, I'm scared. This is almost a worse feeling than the first party we have been to because my confidence that I once had is at a bare minimum now compared to what it once was.
It's not my objective to swing until I feel better about myself and I feel reconnected with Mr. Learning. Finding a good flow for sex is difficult after having a baby and the sex life is at a low right now. Which is such a shift from having a lot of good sex to virtually nothing. When I was pregnant I think we only had sex around 5 times the whole time. What is going on now is that essentially, we run ourself ragged during the day only not to connect when we can because the lack of energy or emotional drain from our jobs. In the morning, would be great but baby learning can get up any time between 4 and 8. Plus, I feel I used to initiate at least 75% of the time where now I am not. We both have chatted about increasing the frequency but nothing has changed lately. So thrusting ourselves back into the lifestyle wouldn't necessarily be the smartest thing because we are off right now. I feel we both are not too sexual right now in fact I sometimes feel asexual. I know things will get better but it's frustrating right now.
Getting back to the party...so I figure the plan is to be upfront with our friends. Let them know that we will only hang for a few hours before stuff gets started and then leave accordingly. I almost feel stupid for going and question in a way why but maybe this will be good for us in some way. Hopefully this will not leave people with a bad impression on us. I can only hope they will understand and if not...well their loss when we are back online.