HNT!

It's been a long week. I'm exhausted and can't wait until Friday at 5 pm. I think baby learning is teething and he has been a tad cranky this week, which is usually not like him. We don't have anything planned right now but with us, we will find something to do :) Enjoy the three day weekend!

Humm...so we are firming up on how we swing before we start again.  We both talked it over and we decided that we are not going to seek out couples anymore.  If we happen to meet others at a party, great but if not, we are not going to be pouring over profiles, meet up for dinner, see if they like us/we like them,  etc. because we simply don't have time for that anymore.  Our time is limited now and we have to adjust.

We will go full when the right opportunity presents itself.  We are not going to agressively seek it.  Nor are we going to compromise quality so we are going to be choosey about who we swing with.  We have always been like that.  We are not the type of couple that just hits any opportunity that lands in the lap...now if it's a good one, we are on it :) 

I have to say that I hate letting down others.  My personality to please others and not let them down has to stop, especially with swinging.  Like the new couple, we won't be able to swing with them so eventually I may need to communicate that.  I haven't heard from them so maybe that's a good thing.  The situation has also shown me that maybe I am not ready to swing again.  I want the confidence to be able to be upfront, honest and feel okay about it.  Though that may never come though maybe it can come a bit easier. 

What happens when you like half of a couple more than the other half?   We met up with the other couple last night again minus the kids.  We were solid feeling about the female half but the male half shot us a mild flag.  So I wanted to check things out a tad more.    We'll gut was right, he put the nail in his coffin.  There's a couple of things that I could not overlook: he engaged me only, he neglected Mr. Learning, he talked over Mr. Learning, his wife , & me, and the ultimate nail....the kissing.  To break things down, he focused so much on me that he didn't even take time to learn more about Mr. Learning.  In the lifestyle, I enjoy men who not only engage myself but who chat with Mr. Learning and get to know him too.  I tend to balance both partners plus my own.  For instance, if I kiss her then I kiss him, or coversation, I will get input from all.  The kiss, oh the kiss!  I'm not an all tongue, I like lips, soft lips with some nibbles.  He was like all tongue, eager, over eager.  Which correlates to me as a not so good lover...does not take time with his partner.  Needless to say, we like her, not him so no fuck time is going to occur.  The sad thing is that I really wanted to like them because they reminded me of us.  That's okay, it happens.  We'll keep on trucking :)

We are going to eventually have to address us being soft swingers.  I don't know how much longer we are going to be able to do this for multiple reasons.  The curiosity and desire is there with us.  I truly loved it when the djs where over and when they left Mr. Learning turned to me and said "okay, I really do want to fuck her".  It was so cute.  The only thing about being a full is that are you more selective as a full? Like as soft I feel we would be more open to others but it seems like full you are more selective because you are going to fuck them.  We were chatting with the regulars yesterday about this and they love being full.  They noted that there is a lot less stress, less worry, and they swap but not always go full.  I don't know...I just sometimes have those reservations and simple fears of what if...but those fears are usually unfounded.       

My speaking at the university went well.  Though, I was so very much surprised on how aprehensive the kids were to get a masters degree.  I have a worthless undergrad degree so a masters is necessary for more money and being marketable.  They just were like "well, I can do this"...and I was thinking "good luck with that.  Let me know how well that work for you".  I was amazed how much the campus changed in the past 14 years.  It's stunning.  The new buildings wowed me over. Those kids have it good.         

Oh no HNT today.  I'm a tired Mrs. Learning because baby learning is getting into the routine of waking up at 2 am in the morning.  I found the cutie this morning with his legs above the mesh bumpers.  I have no clue on how he got into that position but he was all smiles when I got into his room.  Hmm!!! 

For the first fathers day, we are running.  I think Mr. Learning would rather be spending time at home but we have to go up north to my folks for the day.  His dad is coming in on Saturday and we are taking him to a ball game because his mom is ditching him this week.  Believe it or not, she is going to a social convention with her therapist.  They are staying in the same hotel room.  I guess she had seen her for 10 years and she ended treatment earlier this year.  Now they are hanging out on a social basis.  I was like WTF? I thought therapists had a code of ethics where you are not supposed to do stuff like that....so his dad jumped at the opportunity to hang out with us.  It seems like summer is going to pass us by so quickly.  There's never enough time it seems for us.  We are always running here and there and everywhere.  We should start up some boundaries/family goals for balancing life.        

I was visiting another office today and I was listening in on two of the ladies who were conversing about their significant others.  To tell you the truth, it was making me sick to my stomach.  The disrespect that they were noting was horrible. "He's lazy" "he needs to get a second job...wait he doesn't even have a job", "he never helps out", etc.  What a shame, that possibily their communication and partnership is like that.  I feel so fortunate to have such an excellent partner in life.  The only two things I would change is his sense of time and driving.  He always runs late.  Which gives me a ton of anxiety because I need to be on time.  He will tell people " we will be there at 12:00" but he'll play around, get side tracked, etc where we will pull in at 1:00 or later. I was taught that it is rude to tell people a time and not be there.  The other thing, he drives like hell.  He's been fired by two carpoolers due to his complaining/habits.  I will hold the Jesus handle for essentially the whole car ride.  So if those are the only two things, that's not bad.  Now only if I can firm up those behaviors bawah!!!!! 

Today was an awesome day, I did great with work. Did I mention that I do love my job? It is my dream job and what I do can make a difference. I was on it and it was beautiful. Sometimes, I just have to take a step back and go "I rock"! Not many people can say they love their job and still are passionate after so many years. I hope I can continue that passion. There's a new opportunity at work and I'm going to jump on it. I usually would not go after it, due to fear. Now, if I wasn't to get it, well, it's their loss. It will offer me more flexibility with baby learning and when Mr. Learnings job relocates. I told my boss "I really want this opportunity" before I would have waffled. Thank you swinging...now only if I could transfer this confidence back to other areas. Vanilla life, I'm confident, engaging, free spirited, and all that good stuff. In my swing life, I'm unsure, sometimes scared, afraid that I will do something wrong, and all that not so good stuff. Though, what I love in the lifestyle is that I love people and their stories, engage others, learn to be a better lover, watch myself and Mr. Learning grow as a couple, and the excitement of not knowing what the night can bring. What I need to do as Mr. Learning noted "stop thinking and start going with the flow". I'm learning too...one day at a time!

Let me tell you about our date...

Okay, so we had a vanilla swingers date on Saturday. I loved this profile that I came across and I had to write to the couple. There's a few times that I will do that and this one really stood out because they sounded like they were like us. They had small kids, liked to travel, etc. We set up a date last month and the meeting finally took place yesterday. We all agreed to bring the kids. Their children were 4 and 2....and the kids are as cute as heck. We met them at this restaurant with little baby learning. He was having a rough day due to no naps all day, which is not good. We made it through dinner on small talk. She seemed very nice but shy. He seemed very uninterested. We got to the end of the dinner and baby learning needed to be changed. They offered to take us back to their house so we could change him because the restaurant lack the changing table. We got to their house and they got it situated where we could change baby learning. DH got to check out the basement with the hubby and I chatted with her. From there, the kids played down stairs and we chatted upstairs with the couple while we had baby learning in his rock and play sleeper. After chatting with them, I grew more comfortable with him. He's much quirkier than the other lifestyle guys I have been with but the personality got to show better. I have to say that the lust is not there like I have had with other partners but there's this amazing curiosity that I have with him because I wonder how the heck does he fuck? Like is he a good fuck? It totally got me wondering... I'm completely sold on her, she is cute, nice smile, and great personality. They remind me of us in a way like they present vanilla as hell but I wonder what is under their shell. So the night progressed, great engaging conversations, etc. There was also some nice silence while we were listening to music and it felt comfortable, not awkward. Mild flirtation at the end and I commented how much I enjoyed their company and they can chat to see if they like us. She commented "you are in" and I asked to kiss her, and she said yes, so nice peck on the lips and I did the same with him. Overall, it went good and they have me so curious right now. So that leads us to our next dilemma....Are we ready to hit it again? I hate the word play in the lifestyle. If I could ban any word from the lifestyle, it would be the word play. Excuse my language but I choose to use the word fuck here when it concerns getting with lifestyle couples. I would like to fuck this couple. I would like to fuck her and I sure as all hell would like to see what he could do for me, but I'm a tad apprehensive right now. I'm only 3.5 months post baby. It does seem early because we planned to do nothing until fall. I guess I wasn't expecting this. I also have to say that this was the first time we went on the date that I went in and had a "I don't care if they like me or not attitude because I'm me" and that felt terrific. I didn't care if they liked me or not, because I like me and my personality shined. My usual engagement that I have in my vanilla life came out and they saw the real me...not the me that I used to try show when we used to go out with others on dates last year. This is the attitude that I wanted before and I have it now but now I have to keep it. We got an email back and they did like us, and they want to set something up. Now, my anxiety is up again and I want to shut it down because I want to swing but I want to shut off my overthinking this darn lifestyle because I Mrs. Learning, is an over analyzer and I hate it. I just want to shut it off, but I can't. It's part of who I am and I thought I could but after this weekend, I am painfully aware that I cannot shut it off. I just need to go with the flow.

We spent the weekend seeing the regulars and the DJs too. Everyone is good. I finally got Mr. Learning to admit that he wants to fuck Mrs. DJ, like fully fuck her, no soft stuff and I'm so excited he was able to say that. Will it happen, probably not, but it's so fun to think about that. DJ's are doing great and we are hitting up a party next month so who knows what will go on. We're going because one of our Canadian friends are down that we met 1.5 years ago and we want to see them again. I hear they have totally progressed in the lifestyle and I so want to see this. We had already planned on being childless that weekend because we were going to hit a beer event so we are going to swing by that and swing onto a party. Are we going to swing? I have no clue but are we going to have fun?I bet we could.

So if I need any sense knocked into me, let me know. I'm totally up in the air right now not wanting to rush into anything but there is a desire there that is building up. Humm!