So if you found me...

Just putting this out there because a lifestyle friend popped up on my Twitter account. I was shocked and thought fuck. So if you know me in real life, just don't tell me. Humm, damn twitter. So be understanding my friend :) and don't mention a thing as I am greatly embarrassed. Let me have my little space, okay and just pretend that the site does not exist.

Never thought about the adult stash but...

Okay, when baby learning had to go to the hospital this week for his emergency procedure, my husband just left the house and went. Which everyone would do but when you just leave your home, what do you all do with your stash. We have never had anything happen like this before but we usually have our spot which is in the closet or in the bed stand. We had a couple of DVD's of porn out and I know my vibrator was able to be seen because it was in it's usual spot. Without knowing, the inlaws came up the night that baby learning had to stay in overnight. I came home and there was my inlaws vehicle in my drive way. I was like "what the fuck?!?!?" I know they were trying to be helpful and they were worried but then the invasion of privacy made me think damn them. I do feel kind of violated about that. Funny thing that if it was my parents, I would have been okay with it. They watch porn all the time. They are totally horn dogs. Mr. Learning's parents, well, if they have sex, it would be once in a blue moon. I swear they have no chemistry together. They love each other but do they have that sexual energy, nope. I think I need to remove their key priveleges.

Oh, what an adventure...

Vanilla life has been interesting this week. We made it through unscathed and being thankful. Baby learning had a medical issue that came up all of a sudden and it scared the crap out of me. Funny thing is that when it happened, I had a feeling that it was going to happen. You get that something is not right and then it turned out to be what I thought it was. Sometimes I hate my intuition about things but at least I use it for my own good. Luckily, I went with my gut and I was right. We made the right choice to get him in. We are now resting comfortably at home and thankful that he doesn't need surgery but seeing your child sick is the worst feeling in the world. I don't know how parents of chronically ill children can do it. We saw a lot of cancer patient children today and other various disorders so I was thankful for baby learnings health. I love that little guy so much. He was such a trooper even though he was so sick. Sometimes it takes a crisis for me to appreciate the little things in life.

An update on the party. I heard from our friends and they were kosher with us leaving early. They noted that they wished we would have stayed. So John, you were right, I was wrong.

I got emotionally ready for the party but it looks...

Thanks friends for the tips. I got emotionally ready for the party where I was able to work on the insecurities that I have and looking forward to some adult time for only Mr. Learning to get sick, coughing, etc. So we will not be going tonight. We'll go and stop at the friends house for a bit but that's it. Funny how life works out. You get all nervous for nothing.

Good thing is that we have had some decent discussions about swinging lately. When we eventually get back in, we are going to have to be the type of swinger that just goes in, has a blast, and then if something happens, something happens. I can't go through this long "dating" like process where we get to know the people. The said thing in some cases, the more we get to know people the more dysfunctional they become to us. Regulars and the DJ's are all good, nothing wrong with them marriage wise at all (or anything else in our opinion) but the rest of the people, there's so issues. If you just go in for sex on some manner, we just enjoy ourselves and that's it. I have to say one of the hottest swinging times is when we picked up the Dayton couple. We got some time to work on this but I know our former swinging style is out the window.

Bahbahahahahaha....

Can you see that i'm totally nerved up about Saturday. Got any tips on how to get a great smile on, feel good about yourself, and not feel like a total freak in front of your friends, friends?

I wish I could access my "go in and just don't give a fuck" but I do. I do care about how I am judged. That's what I sometimes hate about the lifestyle and I'm vulnerable right now. Besides doing the internal chant of "I can do this" "I can do this" "I can do this" when I don't feel like I can. When I feel overwhelmed in a new situation, I'm quiet, pull back, and watch. Sometimes that gives a bad impression and that is not what I want to do.

In one week we are going to a house party...

In one week we are going to a house party. We haven't been to one in over two years and it will be the first that our friends are hosting. We are not going to do anything anyways but I'm nervous to be in such a small environment with some swingers especially when I don't fit the mold. I started thinking today maybe we just need to skip, I'm scared. This is almost a worse feeling than the first party we have been to because my confidence that I once had is at a bare minimum now compared to what it once was.

It's not my objective to swing until I feel better about myself and I feel reconnected with Mr. Learning. Finding a good flow for sex is difficult after having a baby and the sex life is at a low right now. Which is such a shift from having a lot of good sex to virtually nothing. When I was pregnant I think we only had sex around 5 times the whole time. What is going on now is that essentially, we run ourself ragged during the day only not to connect when we can because the lack of energy or emotional drain from our jobs. In the morning, would be great but baby learning can get up any time between 4 and 8. Plus, I feel I used to initiate at least 75% of the time where now I am not. We both have chatted about increasing the frequency but nothing has changed lately. So thrusting ourselves back into the lifestyle wouldn't necessarily be the smartest thing because we are off right now. I feel we both are not too sexual right now in fact I sometimes feel asexual. I know things will get better but it's frustrating right now.

Getting back to the party...so I figure the plan is to be upfront with our friends. Let them know that we will only hang for a few hours before stuff gets started and then leave accordingly. I almost feel stupid for going and question in a way why but maybe this will be good for us in some way. Hopefully this will not leave people with a bad impression on us. I can only hope they will understand and if not...well their loss when we are back online.

Dear swingers who are in the lifestyle for the wrong...

Dear swingers who are in the lifestyle for the wrong reason. Get the fuck out now and get into counseling! You make us loving couples who are in the lifestyle for the pure enjoyment of watching our spouses fuck other people (soft or full) look bad. Thank you, Mrs. Learning

Okay, couldn't help but not post that. Every time I hear about a couple in the lifestyle that break up for cheating, it makes me sick. At work today, I got a phone call from a number. I didn't recognize it but after I got out of work, I called the number back. I said "Hi this is Mrs. Learning, who is this?" the male said "Hi, it's Mr. Geeky" then he rambled no stop where at first I could not understand him. He then began to slow down and I found out that Mrs. Geeky has been emotionally cheating on him with a guy they were with over 10 years ago. She is leaving Mr. Geeky, moving out, and meeting this man down south. Holy freaking A! Can we say clusterfuck? I am so glad we stayed away from them. We knew something wasn't right. I guess our spidey sense is getting better. There are functional swingers out there, right?