Mr. DJ is job shadowing me later today...woot woot for eye candy. It still sucks that I can't fuck him :( but Mr. Learning has a pass to fuck her any day. If I'm going to work with him one day no swinging with him on my end, I can kiss him but that's the extent on my end. Looking forward to spending time with him though. I like the calmness that he brings.

I'm fessing up too...I'm admitting that we are not going to the party for two stupid reasons. The first excuse is the geeky new couple. I was trying to avoid them. I hate letting people down...it's a hard task of saying to others "hey, the chemistry is not there" but the truth is, I didn't like how the hubby failed to acknowledge Mr. Learning. I'm afraid if we went, they would hang on us. I sent them an email noting that I'm struggling body wise (which is the truth) and I'm not ready to swing yet post baby (which is true too). The second stupid excuse is that my self esteem took a massive nose dive...I'm trying to get over my hurdle but the pictures don't lie and if I don't feel the least bit sexy, should I put myself in a swinger environment? Humm...I have until Saturday to make up my mind. Mr. Learning is up for anything but it's scary to put myself back out there 30lbs heavier than I left the lifestyle.