Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Rough day :( Baby learning came down with yet another ear infections so it’s been difficult. Poor little guy is in pain and he has difficulty eating so he is not a happy baby. We were supposed to travel to KY for a family party this week but with his ear situation, we decided not to go. It would have been awful for him to sit in a car seat for over 20 hours during a 4 day period. My folks were not to happy about this. I love my parents but sometimes their behavior challenges me. They don’t know how to use their words to say “I am sad about this” “That makes me upset”, etc. Both of them came from similar backgrounds where their opinions did not matter so I highly doubt if they now how to discussion disappointments in life. Which I understand but it’s difficult when it does happen because I will get a negative verbal discussion from them.

So today, I got a major tongue lashing for 20 minutes. It stemmed from me noting “we are not able to come”. At first my dad was kosher with it but then my parents called me back to berate me. I was told that I was not putting my child first because we left him with his grandparents this past weekend. We make no family time for him because he is in daycare all week and it’s our responsibility to be with our son since we work so much. We probably made him sick because we go all the time. We need to grow up and stop going to beer fests. We took my son to the zoo when we should of been home....and other random put downs. I did a great job of standing up for myself. Yes, we are extremely social but my son goes to sleep every night at 7:15. There’s been only two days that he did not do this in the past month. My son did not go to a babysitter, but he went to his other grandparents so it was okay. I noted to my mom that I would love to give her and my dad the opportunity to spend time with my son overnight so her noting about going to the other grandparents was not good because won’t they want to do that? It just saddens me to no end that they just jumped all over me. I am sad that I cannot attend the party. I highly doubt if I will get to see some of the people going ever again. This makes me so sad. I just don’t understand why they needed to pour more salt on my wounds. I was already torn up as it is and to have this happen to me made me so physically ill with anxiety and self doubt.

I hate disappointing people...it’s difficult for me. When you have a child, you put their needs first. Initially I thought I would just go alone but as I thought about it more and more, I could not do that. I would be more miserable without them. I cannot leave Mr. Learning alone with him because tending to a sick child is hard. He is up several times a night and that can get tiring. Though having a child is good because I am beginning to set major limits with others. Possibly that is a good change...

1 comment:

  1. It certainly sounds like not spending 20 hours in the car with a sick baby Learning was absolutely the right choice. What your parents can't seem to separate is the decision to to travel to KY and the decision not to come to the party. You made the first choice because it was the right choice in the situation and that unfortunately necessitated the second choice.

    When our daughter was born, I didn't see a sign in the hospital over the nursery that said "Abandon your life, all who enter here." You clearly care for and love your son deeply. Taking time out for you and Mr. Learning (occasionally which could certainly include once a week) does not diminish that in any way. In fact, you have to do that or you will burn out. As for your parents, it really sounds that once they got going they were incapable of stopping. I can't help wondering if part of it is their frustration that they are 10 hours away, but that their baggage, not yours to carry for them.