Just when you start to figure things out...

You know this swinging thing is not for the faint at heart. It's been an interesting couple of weeks. It goes from this true high to this self doubting stuff that makes me think how the heck did I get here and where in the heck did these feelings come from? The good thing is that I'm getting myself a clearer head in the past few days because there has been time to reflect some. If that makes any sense at all.

So the date went well, or so we thought. We typically send a thank you email to those we had a good time with. If we don't hear from them, we just move on. Mr. L sent them a follow up thank you and we haven't heard from them. I guess the funny thing is that we didn't notice them not having a good time. Bummer...but it happens. Oh well, but it was like drat! We like these people...because they seemed normal...maybe we were too normal for them. Who knows...?

Then on Sunday we got to meet up with the regulars. They had a get together with family so we hung out with them all day. The family cleared out and we got some alone time to chat about our adventures during the past 3 months. We haven't had any adult time so we chatted about our experiences as of late. We talked about where we are going, our pacing issues, my frustration with Mr. L and his shyness, and how the last play couple scared the shit out of me. After some discussion, they chatted about how they feel self conscious lately, they put on some weight, and not feeling as sexy. Mrs. Regular is not happy with herself :( and she is so stunning...really she is. Then she started to talk about how she would not go farther in the lifestyle because she has everything she needs in her Mr. Regular. Needless to say without saying any words, a full with them is totally out. We started to talk about how I feel that swinging has benefited Mr. L and me. I've only had four full sexual partners and felt that I was basically a lousy lover, not to creative, and I used to struggle with my body image. I feel more creative now than ever, I'm getting better as a lover, and I like my body. Then we started to talk about sex stuff and then went off to enjoy their company. It was fun but I am still feeling out of swing right now and I think it showed. In a way, Mr. L and I were expecting a vanilla day so my swinging mindset was not there so needless to say my A game was not on. Yeah..

Then the conversation with regulars kind of fucked my head in a way. It got me thinking...are Mr. L and I ready for a full? In theory yes, but after chatting with Mr. L, no we are not. He would like to do it with the right couple, the right time, and the right comfort level. He noted that the only couple he feels comfortable with is the regulars. Then I felt kind of guilty about wanting to fuck the Chemistry's. So again...pacing...and pulling back to where Mr. L is comfy and me dealing with those guilty feelings of "man, I really want to fuck those people this weekend if we get the opportunity" but we are so not there yet. No wonder people stay clear of the newbies! LOL...we'll figure it out, it just takes time.