Damn, I wished that pregnancy in heels on Bravo would have been on when I was pregnant! I love this show because it actually dealt with some of the issues that came up while I was pregnant. My first issue that I saw on the show was "Experiential Avoidance" which according to wikkipedia, is that has been broadly defined as attempts to avoid thoughts, feelings, memories, physical sensations, and other internal experiences—even when doing so creates harm in the long-run. I thought while pregnant that our life was essentially over with. I worried about how life was going to change so much that I neglected to see all the positives that a child could have added to our life. The other issue on the show dealt with a couple whose sex life took a nose dive during pregnancy. That was me...I'm confessing that we only had sex five times during the whole pregnancy. That is sad :( I was so scared, had such massive issues with my body, that I could not/would not connect with Mr. Learning in a sexual manner. We went from a very active life to me just giving him a hand job or blow job. Reconnecting with Mr. Learning is really important to me right now. It's been a long 10 months. I want the next pregnancy to be different. I want to do things right because I feel like I missed some lovely moments during the process. I was so consumed with issues, that I missed out of the actual joy. I feel sad now that I didn't take more pictures of myself with my belly. The pictures that I have now, I cherish them. I so wish I had more :( so I can't repair the past but hopefully next time I will be less neurotic. I feel like the hormones are decreasing and my old but new self is returning. It feels great to have one of my hobbies back. I loved working out, I love the gym and being on a treadmill kicking butt, sweating, or standing on a balance ball for 2 minutes. I feel like me again. I'm on day 2 at the gym. Baby learning has been good for Mr. Learning so I'm thankful. The key is preparation and organization. I figure if I can figure out the schedule now, it will not be a shock when I go back to work in a few weeks. On Friday, we are doing a trial run for baby learning at the daycare. Mr. Learning is going to drop him off and I will be picking him up an hour later. We totally going to prep the night before as this is the key to success (or at least I am hoping).

I sent a message to Mrs. Chemistry the other day noting that I was scared to see her and Mr. Chemistry because of my weight gain and how I'm not nearly back to my pre-pregnancy body. I figure that most lifestylers are like the vanilla world, consumed with outward appearance. I easily forget that most swingers are pretty accepting of many things, especially bodies. It's like you are embraced more in the swingerworld for who you are, not what you look like because they see everything. It's like the swinger world makes you more vulnerable but in a good way. I figured honesty is the best policy and to tell you the truth, I can talk more openly to Mrs. Chemistry more than any friend I know (well besides Mr. Learning). It felt good to confront my fears of seeing them. We set up plans for next week so I will be making the two hour drive to meet up with her at my favorite store. She can meet baby learning and we can see each other. I miss her terribly because I felt we connected well both in the vanilla world and in the swinger world. Kissing her was the most amazing feeling. She was good, very good. It helps when being with a bisexual woman who knows it because man, they know what to do. Her skills were something :) She kissed like a man, which I love how men kiss...that hard passionate way. I know I'm too soft when kissing another female. Some women like it hard, very hard but it's not my style. Now that is something too look forward to.