I saw Mrs. Chemistry yesterday for the first time in seven months. I missed her so much. The visit was prompted after I told Mrs. Regular that I could go a year without seeing then because they were lifestyle friends only. I knew I was lying when I said this and I felt bad about it. I was just insecure about seeing then because I didn't want to get rejected by them. So off I went :)

It was so good to see her. She is an amazing woman, just amazing. She's made some changes within herself as a woman and I applaud her. I'm seeing a new confident woman who is learning how to be sure of herself...see herself as valuable. She is finally seeing that she is the whole package. Folks, she is the whole kit and caboodle. She has the warmest personality ever. She is intelligent, giving, and spicy. Her smile will light up a room. When we walked into the hotel party that we met them at, she was passing out beads. I wanted a beads so I asked her how to get one and she said a kiss. Needless to say, that is how we got the ball rolling.

I was honest with her and it felt good. I told her I was afraid if rejection and how I thought about her and missed her presence. That felt good to get out. I know it's "bad" to get emotionally attached to people in the lifestyle but I like having them in my life. I like them as people regardless of swinging.

We talked about the lifestyle and how at times it can get complicated especially when we as women, may struggle from self esteem issues. She admitted that it has gotten herself into situations because she couldn't say no. It can be disastrous if you engage in swinging when the confidence is not there. You have to have a pretty high self esteem to swing (or to swing properly) because issues can arise from the lack of self esteem. That's when jealousy, bad feelings, creep into your head and complicate the situation. There's nothing more vulnerable as a female when you are fucking a guy and watching your spouse do someone else. Your head has to be in the right place. That's why I'm using this baby break to strengthen myself as a woman. Not only for swinging but as a wife and mom. The amazing thing is that I'm feeling so much like me again, but only better. Does that make any sense? I don't know but it's a good feeling. Let's keep this rolling.